wow... talk about shocking... kinda reaches out of the screen and slaps you around the face. i mean that in a good way. i especially like the extras in italic, i can imagine them whispered under the drone of words. whispered, and drowned effective, the entire poem. very strong emotion.

Wow. THat's a very strange and cool way of writing. I haven't ever thought of doing it that way. THis is great. I'm psycho...Of course, I'm sure you already know that...(*evil laugh*)

Cirien Phoenix

Nice love how you have one word means so much. and then you have the longer sentances that make the poem, but are seemingly less important till the end.

I like how this is written - with the italic thoughts breaking up the general monotone of your poem. It makes your point all the more powerful.

Keep writing.

Namir Swiftpaw

Very angsty...You did a good job writing this.

Heart of the Sword

Huh. This is different... hmm... But that's good of course... cuz variety is the spice of life! or sumthin like that... but anywhoozaluza... great job! Can't wait for the story that goes with it! l8a

I love the structure and can't wait to read the story!

Really interesting with the one word lines coming down to your statements. I liked it a lot. Keep it

... ... ...

deefrent

very deefrent

*_* I likes tho!

-Nev

Dark Shadow Poets

DarkShadowPoets