Hm. I just found myself wandering round here and it struck me how much shorter this seems on the net than on Microsoft Word. What I mean is - I can't believe you got nearly up to the vamps part in 5 chapters! O_o Other than that... I think it's a good idea you're not posting the rest up here. Copyright and all that. I would be interested to know whether there was anything you changed significantly since posting this.Anyway, I'll stop writing pointless stuff... I'm wishing you the best of luck with writing the rest, because heck, you've chosen a heck of challenge with this story... The more I read, the more I start to *get* the whole picture of what you're trying to represent, and it's much bigger than what the story itself has presented so far. I will get back to you with more commentary fairly soon. :)

-Ludi x

Nice story you got here. This reminds of the story that I'm going to start writing soon. With the new types of humans and such. I like this story. It's going in my favorites!

Like you told me, this is the non-edited type, so that explains why I kept on thinking Talia was a man. Anyways, to the second chapter!

Very nice chapter. I think I am going to love the character Oscar when he gets more descriptions and story time. If he does, that is.
I like where Talia's character is going, if I'm reading it right. If not, I'm sure I'll like it anyway. Also, I can't wait to see how Ulan will react to what's coming.
My favorite part? This;
'"You naughty boy, you, Oscar." I laughed. "What the hell, don’t tell him. We all could use the laugh."'
Gotta love the cruel humour. :)
Amazing job so far. I sincerly hope you "hurry up" and complete more chapters. I'll be here the whole while.
Heh.
Cheers (uncreativly, for now).

Go tectnical manual!
Kidding, kidding. I liked this chapter, although it was a tad bit slow when you were explaining things. Nothing wrong with that at all, and I don't think anyone would really catch that. But we all know how special I am.
Anyway, I liked the shifter aspect that has been really introduced in this chapter. I am tensing up in anticapation of what Feral Icon will be like. And Ulan is grat too.
I like the chapter titles. Very effective and creative.
I have the feeling that this story is one you have to schudule time to read, as it is a hard one to stop reading once you're really into it.
Umm...I guess the only problem I actually have with this chapter is that it was slower than the preceding ones. It almost breaks the flow you have started with the first few chapters.
Not a big problem, if a problem at all, but if you are a perfectionist, maybe take a look at it.
But, I am really enjoying this. The abilities and characters are effectivly pulling me into this fantasy world, and I enjoy the ride.
Cheers (repetativly, for now).

Ha! Great ending to this chapter. But, I am a bit lost on the abilities. Hoefully, you'll help clear it all up in the upcoming chapters.
Um...I have no real critiques, but I can say that I am throughly enjoying this. It is better than a lot of published books I have read, which is something you should be insanely proud of. I know I am...which makes no sense...but we'll leave it there, ok?
Anyway.
I do hope you explain the Singers more, as I am very interested as to what they are/do.
So far, your descriptions, word choice, and flow have been amazing. I am completely hooked by this story. I have actually found myself refering people to your writing who are also on fictionpress and those who are not. Which is probably not my place to do, but I can't seem to stop myself.
Anyway, enough of my silly gushing. On to the next chapter!
Cheers (once again, for now).

Hm, I'm starting to like Feral Icon. I can't wait to find out (if at all) who he is. I have an idea, but it's probably wrong. :)
Anyway, I was a little iffy about the IM part of the story, but...the more I thinking about it, and after reading this chapter, I think I really like it. You managed to blend it quite well with the story. Good job.
Um...I dunno, the way you add the sound effects in, such as the ding! for the IM...I honestly don't know. I would suggest tinkering with a different way to put them into the story. Maybe try putting them in, jeez, an asterix? Whatever though, it is a very minor thing. So don't worry about it overly.
I like the not-quite-identical clone thing that is happening here. It is working quite well and I am looking forward to seeing why Talia had a clone made of herself.
Also, I really like the ability "system" you have here. "Skipping" seems like a great idea to make Talia diffrent.
Great job.
Cheers (again, for now).

Oh, I love this story so far. And since it's only the first chapter, I am looking forward to the rest.
I already like Talia, as she reminds me of someone I know. Her character is already strong which is a very good sign.
I like how you've purposely left some holes and inconsisties in this chapter. It makes the reader want to read more to figure out what the hell is going on, which is a good thing, trust me.
Although, and take this not the wrong way please, there is almost too much mystery. At least, for my tastes. It could turn off some readers but I think that you may have desgined this for people who want to be involved in the story, not merely be told one. But, feel free to ignore me, I am an oddity when it comes to taste.
My favorite part? This one;
"Maybe it was just that he was always very fond of the lesbian thing. At one point he had vowed he would turn me onto it or—or something. I can’t remember what the other option was. Back then, I’d frequently corrected him, telling him that’d make me bisexual, not lesbian. I wouldn’t ever give up the stick."
Pins down the character of both Talia and Ulan at the same time. Well done on that part.
Anyway, all my critiquing and compliments aside, I am glad I finally found time to read and review this. I'm already having fun reading this, and that is what counts when I read something.
Cheers (for now).

I liked the simplicity of the narrative, it makes the reader feel as though he/she is on intimate terms with Talia. I don't find your dream sequences a distraction; they're clearly marked. :)
I find your style refreshing, really. Just a couple things to keep in mind: With first person narrative, it's sometimes difficult to portray other characters as you might going in third person. If you want to improve your dream sequences, try having the last event in that part link to something that is really happening. I found them fine myself, but if you wanted to try it... :)
Thanks for reviewing my stuff. I'm going to indent as you suggested for the one, 'Hunter' and the other later has an explanation for why the language is a little complex(hence all the nutty little semicolons). Got more on the way there, although I consider it one of my 'trash' stories, something I'm doing for the fun of it and not worrying too much over. This chapter was great, hope you have more soon! :)

Hoho.
Nice cliffhanger.
Good, funny stuff, though.
I like the Oscar dude.
Stinky people rock.
This world of yours keeps growing and growing, getting all the more intriguing.
Can't wait for more.

Time for this review thing.
Alright, so I still don't know a bunch of what exists in this weird and wild world that is CMD, but it's growing steadily more odd and interesting as I read each successive chapterito.
I'd make this longer, but I'm eager to read the next chapter and see what happens to me-er, Feral.

Dang. The first paragraph. It certainly makes you think. I never really thought of it like that, but it certainly makes alot of sense. And I find myself comparing it to moments in my life, and friends that have come and gone. Dang.

Alas, there is no more to read. And for that, I am sad.
:(
Can't you tell by my text frown that I am sad?
Perhaps I shall reiterate just how sad I am.
:( :( :( :( :(
You didn't mess up. That's five text frowns.
I want more, dammit.
Good chapter, even though things are still very VERY confusing. And with this being original fiction, there's nothing this is based soley off of, so I can't do any research...just simply roll with the punches.
But this is still good. I see many similitarites between him and Ulan, and a little between the other him and Feral Icon, which, I'll admit, I was really looking for when I was reading.

But enough rambling. Write more, dammit.

Still very much confused.
Interesting stuff, too.
It's a shame there's only one more chapter to read. I'm really starting to get intrigued by this.

Well, your note at the end of the chapter sure is true. Not much of an idea on what's going on.
Ulan very much sounds like him.
I'm interested as to what happens next. So I'll hit the button and find out. Hehe.

>>After last night?s close call and Ulan?s subsequent banishment from my sight so I could cool >>off, Ulan was much more willing to pay heed to suggestions Drea and I made of him.

~Heheh...wow, I'm surprised Ulan could be banished to begin with. Isn't it like women to need cooling off pyriods? :is stone to death by purses:

>>Very few people stay with us for huge chunks of our life. Ulan seemed to be insistent on being >>one of those people for me.

Reminds me of a philosophy of a friend I know. Hm.

I think it's cool with the husband feeling. A subject of strong emotion. If this turns into a big quest to find him again, it'll be a story very much worth reading. Heh...as if that isn't the case already. ^_^

>>Guilt has always ruled me as much as anger has.

Dang, don't I know the feeling.

>>It was the first trait he?d performed since he caught up with me that truly reminded me of how >>I used to picture him during all those IM conversations. He was still uncomfortable socially, >>publicly.

~_~0

>>"All federal buildings are off limits to Treckies. Too much paranoia over having their >>computers ransacked."

I know this is your own future setting and all...but each time I see the word 'treckie' I think of nerds at a Star Trek convention.

>>We can heal ourselves almost without thought. To heal others we have to have medical knowledge >>and training. Without such training, we could accidentally fuse lung tissue with stomach >>tissue.

Yikes. I never really think of that. I guess comics and sci-fi shows tend to ignore the technicalities of things and just say: "Oh, she can heal herself". Nice thing about this story is that you explain and yet keep it simple at the same time. Good job. ^_^

>>Drea and I were meeting with Officer Gringham.

DAH!

>>Drea actually likes pink. And flamingos. And gossip.
>>
>>Shudders.

Ha ha ha ha
Cute
;)
I like Drea ^_^

>>Ding! It was the remote access for my Internet connection.

I envy Talia now. I want one of those!
Though, if I were her, I'd probably put it on vibrate.

>>Feral Icon: I look good in a red bow.

O_o

>>"Good to know I can still surprise you," he said.

Way to go Ulan!

>>"You little **!" I said and smacked his arm. "You?re not just a reader. Why didn?t you tell >>me you were a manipulator too?"

As much as he is annoying, at least the two still get along...howbeit playfully and full of jest.

Fascinating...the last chapter and this chapter ends shortly after Talia communicates with Feral. I forget, was that the case in the very first chapter too?
Anyways, as loose and comfortable as this story fits into the reader's mental glove, it *does* have a pattern to it. It just shows how talented and organized a writer you bezz. ^_^
This story is golden. Keep it up.

Peace out
-Post

I loved this chapter! You can feel what the characters are feeling as they go along, and some of their inner feelings toward each other are funny. :) Keep writing!