Reviews for The Darkest Depths

Reviews For: The Darkest Depths - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

Once in a blue moon 2003-06-26 ch 11,	nice descriptive chapter. a few minor typos, but they didn't distract as much because there were only like 3, but work on that. At one point the sentences seem a little disconected. try making them into complex ones. The only other thing is when the old woman is 'answering' his questions. it seems... something. not quite sure what word i can use, but something is odd. nice job!
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-17 ch 10,	hmm.. plot is moving now. We're about to learn something new. And this was a great deal longer than the other chapters, which makes me happy! Other than that, there were a lot of typos which are really distracting. The bit with him confessing was kinda... mushy. Not in a romance sence, but that it didn't have much substance. And when did you tell us he was a swimmer? Anywho, I really liked when he traveled into the other world - the description was very good and not long winded. When he first wakes up in the tourture chamber, very good description as well. But what is a taser? Other than that, good job!
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-17 ch 9,	Told you I'd forget! But I'm back now, so onto the review! I like the description in this chapter and the characterization of L'Anna. I especially like the first paragraph- the similie and there seemed to be a little aliteration. Now. One time 'the' should have been 'they' and 'world' should have been 'worlds'. Other than that, the only awkward bit was "As the cabbie speed a way". Was it supposed to be "As the cabbie sped away"? Anywho, making the chapters a bit longer wouldn't hurt, but that's your perogative. Nice job so far!
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-09 ch 8,	There seemed to be a lot of grammer problems and left out words in the story part of this chapter. Also, maybe the wozards not having the same name would help my confussion. I really like the, "Who are you?" bit at the beginning. Although when she said, "I guess" it.. shook my confidence in her... perfection. other than that, i really like the creativity of the 'creation' story.
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-09 ch 7,	ok, good plot movement from where we last saw these people (who are obviously related to Eric somehow). in one place there actually should have been a comma (!) Also, I'm sad to see the pattern of starting sentences with he, he, he. It gets boring and makes the work sound stilted. One last point: if the driver was dead, why didn't he just use him instaed of killing a horse for its blood? good job
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-02 ch 6,	awesome. i love how even though eric is looking for answers, he still has time to think about looks and such. there were one or two places things sounded slightly off, but i'm too lazy to go into them now. in fact, i'll save the rest of the story for another day! see, i AM reading it! lol
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-02 ch 5,	4 little bitty tiny notes/questions.. really! 1: Is Eric white or black? It doesn't really matter, but I think you should mention it. 2: If Monte is intelegent and every parent would want him, I would think he would talk properly. Do your parents like it when you use slang and mummble out your words? 3: lol, monte_python... loves those movies! 4: If they are "poor" then why do they have enough $ to give their son a flat screen tv and lap top? those things are mucho money! Good plot movement.^^
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-02 ch 4,	This part kinda bothered me: "'That’s awful!' Eliza exclaimed. She glowered at Eric through the corner of her eyes. etc.." people don't normally transfer that quickly from one emotion to another: pity to being mad at a different person. Also, most people don't really lick their lips unless they're dry or something. Other then that, I like how your writing and the plot is progressing!
Once in a blue moon 2003-06-02 ch 3,	I like the shortness of the chapter. It shows the surprise better. The way you describe the brother's differences remind me of this book "Lirael" by Garth Nix. Ever heard of it?
Once in a blue moon 2003-05-28 ch 2,	Good plot and over all feeling of the story so far. I like the fact that you slipped in the little bits of background information without disrupting the story's flow. But it does seem a little.. forced at some points. I'm obsesed with flow and once in a while it felt stilted, like every sentence was on its own. Anyway, I natter on, and here I need to thank you for the review of The Old World. It really means a lot to me that you read that, seeing as it's my favorite (so far..^^). So, thanks, and keep writing!
Carter Tachikawa 2003-04-14 ch 23,	A well written chapter. Much better job on the grammar and spelling, it has improved. I'm glad to see the new chapter. You think about publishing this? (After polishing it up of course)Anyway, keep it up!~CT
Purple Colored Auora Petals 2003-04-09 ch 22,	Oh wow! I feel so lucky, you mentioned me in your author's note. Now I fell so lucky!! Er uh...I can't remember what I said in my last review, but uh, I suppose it was something good since you brought it up again. I was hoping you would continue this story, I haven't seen any of it in a while. Alright, your review! I liked this chapter; it was nice, very nice. Uh, I liked the nice details throughout it, which, my friend, was the best part, it always is. Like the torture, the blood being pulled out the nose and being splashed into the guys opened eyes, oh yeah. That was nice. You have a way with words and developing a story to make it interesting enough to read on, and read on I will, also, happy belated birthday! How old are you?
Sarryn 2003-03-04 ch 22,	Very cool story!
Ronin Rabbit 2003-03-03 ch 1,	Only had time to read the first chapter but I like what I've seen so far. Very mysterious, gives the reader reason to continue on. Just a minor correction though, at the end I think you mean her head snapped back and cracked (not the hand) - but that's very minor mistake. Like it so far, will review it again when I get a chance to read some more.
Arietti 2003-02-21 ch 2,	Hey! I knew I'd get around to readin' this! I'm only on chapter two, but hey! It's a start! I like it so far, it's interesting! I'll be back for more later! ~Ari

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