Okey dookie, *muah* I give your story the kiss of approval. You must now escape from almighty Figure's spelling/punctuation/grammar/medieval speech correcctors MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Joy and smooches~


Figure

Oh, the Salien form! Neato! Hints of constructive critisism- "Sunlight streamed through the window, bathing her in the sunlight. She slowly fell asleep to the soft warm sunlight" is a little repetetive, doncha think? And also, "Do not act dumb" is rather- strange. "Do not act stupid" or "Don't be oblivious to the dangers of ." sounds a lot better, if you ask me. Sorry about that bit, but love it anyway! Joy and smooches~


Figure

Gulp. Like a lot! I like the whole Blue thing, and the letter, and all. Just a little more tension and I'm bursting- joy and smooches!


~Figure

Okay, well I've already reviewed this and I did like it. Reason for the review is to say two things:

1) It was THIS story where it wasn't as spaced out as if should be, not Weaver. That one is fine. If I didn't make that clear, sorry about that.

2) You're still young so you haven't had as much experience writing poetry as I have. (I know, I sound old when I say that but it's true) I've learned repetition is OKAY in poems (not just in the way you've said it) and even if it annoys you, I'm sorry. It's what I've learned and it's what I'm sticking with.

Blah. I think I sounded mean there. Sorry, I'm trying to be. Just sticking up for what I believe in, that's all. Anyway, get new stuff up soon!

~CT

Was reading this again, loved it. I wish you had put spaces in there though. It would be easier to read. And don't worry. I don't mind if you read my old stuff^^. I appreciate all your comments even if I don't agree with you. (Like with when you said it was repetitive...poetry can be repetitive.) Anyway, I'm rambling. Keep writing. I hope to see you new stuff from you too. I've run out of things to read as well:( ~CT

As I've said before, this isn't your best work; you have a real problem here with repeating your words without making it seem intentional or rhythmic; it makes it sound repetitive and detracts from the quality. If you fixed that little problem, it would be far better.
Also, I'm curious - what exactly IS a Salien? Is it a human that can shapeshift into some sort of animal? Do they choose the animal? Or is it inherited? Hmm... perhaps I shall find out when I read more.
And was the use of "Sora" as the main character's name, and "Blue" as her best friend's some sort of cracked inside joke? I mean, "Sora" means sky in Japanese, so technically they're "Blue" and "Sky." Blue sky. The sky is blue. Et cetera?

I hate to say this, but this is not your best writing. It was a little bit difficult to understand, and it didn't flow the way the rest of your work does; wasn't as fun a read. Also, whenever I heard "Blue" I immediately thought of the television show "Blue's Clues," which I have never seen and don't wish to. I realize that probably wasn't intentional, but it is... rather noticeable. It was okay, but it definitely wasn't your best work.
Thanks for the review for "Iron Mage"!

This is a WONDERFUL story. To make the characters more alive, add yourself into them! It works, I swear. If you make either Sora or Blue more like you, and write the story in "I" form, then change it to third person, it may help. It aways helps me, that's why I write first-person (too much trouble changing it back. I'm lazy). Just an idea. I love this story, and I really want to hear what happens next. This is one of your best stories! I enjoyed it immensly, so don't stop! MAKE the people more real to you, make them people you know and yourself and the things around you! The Earth itself is alive! Use what you have! Don't give up on your people! Not yet! Not EVER!! They are people, too, even if others don't know them yet. Get others to know them. You are introducing new people into our lives, and we want to know about them, so tell us as much as you like!
~*~Kiayla~*~

Anyway, I didn't quite get through this, b/c my computer spits everything out in japanese (wow...), and therefore I can read about half. But what I got to was really good, I absolutely adore your work! Please keep writing!
~*~Kiayla~*~

Oh my gosh...This is sooooo exciting! The way that you write - I mean, Wow! The details and and the dialogue is incredible! Anyway, I've gotta go to bed! I'll put another poem on tomorrow!

Hey! Thanks so much for putting this story on! I only read the first chapter so far, but I'm hooked! I loved the way that the characters feel real! The way that they interact with one another is so amazingly realistic! It's almost as if I'm there in the story! Oh my gosh...I love this story - I wanna keep reading...Oh, I have finish studying...I'l read the rest tomorrow and review! Thanks!

Yeah, you're right it's hard to support characters and plots over a long-term. Nice story anyway. One note...you make want to leave spaces between paragraphs and all, otherwise it's hard to read. But it's a good story. Keep on writing.~CT