Hi, I hope you get your muse back, your story is interesting. Three things to help your story (1)!IMPORTANT! add paragraphs (2), Separate dialogue from background info {takes practice to do right},(3) new line when a different person is speaking.

Your redeeming 2 features are that you use speach marks ("hello"). In one story i read half a long chapter before i realised that the characters were not telepathic. Ruined the story too, cause i had to constantly separate speach from silent musing. Your other good feature your is punctuation. You use full stops AND CAPITAL letters at the beginning of every sentence.

Warning: adding paragraphs will probably bring in a lot more and harsher criticism so don't do it unless you really want to improve. You'll probably get praised more if you do though.

Yes, my spelling is funny. I am Australian and semi-old fashioned. I still use a hypen in co-operate.

I'm kind of lousy in remembering things so don't expect to hear back from me though your revenge will be me remembering your story and trying to recall the title so I can read it again. Did that with Taronga. Only reason I remembered the title was cause 3 years later my year/level 8 English class had to read that or Space Demons trilogy which was another plaguing title.

I loved this. You should finish it. You made a very intresting antagonist with lucifer, you sort of love him and hate him.

plz update it is great!

_ Very very good, please keep it up. I really like Lilith, she reminds me of one of my friends...in they annoying big sister kind of way...

your story is SO f-cking AWESOME! write more!

And of course the update shows up not long after I review asking for more.

rolls her eyes

Anyways, still very good, but paragraph breaks would be nice. Very nice.

-Mizery Rose

Wow I love this story. One thing to say though. Paragraph breaks.

I know that this hasn't been updated for a while, but I really hope to be seeing an update. I'd like to follow the story.

Don't get discouraged if you don't get a lot of reviews. Sometimes the really good stories get somewhat burried on this site. That, and a lot of people don't bother to review.

Anyways, I do hope you continue.

-Mizery Rose

Wow! I remember reading this before and it's gotten so much better! Please do continue..I just love Gabriel and Mephisto. They're great! Gr..Justin (Lucifer) needs to have something happen to him. Shall I call fourth my evil spirit minions and have him tortured? _ But anyway, this is awesome and I can't wait for the next chapter. Please let them defeat Lucifer! That would be so cool! Thanks for reviewing my story by the way- chapter 14 will be up by tomorrow. (today by the time you get this) _ Thanks again and ja ne! _

this story is really, really well written. yay lol, write more :)

HHHHIIIIII! _

Hey there! you reveiwed me, and in turn I pay you the same courtesy. ;) I really like this. Lots of visual description. I also like it because it has a dark theme to it (Plus I have a thing for guys with long hair). I only skimmed the first chapter cause I was short on time, but I'll definatly come back l8r and read more. Keep it up!

luv S.D.

P.S.

this is the most detailed reveiw I've ever given! So soak in the glory. ;)

I find ur story hilarious lol. Lucifer's thoughts were so funny and the seven dwarfs thing was great. _

Man oh man am I happy you didn't quit! Looking forward to updates! Happy holidays!

great story you have real potential for publishing

hey just wanted to tell u that i think your story is pretty frickin awesome so far and that i hope u continue it.