I really, really like this one. :) What more can I say?

Magnificent. This was written so well. It had, to me, an underlying message of quit wishing and go make your own dreams actually happen.

Heart of the Sword

This is dark, in the way that human nature can be dark at times. You connect with the reader, and you make your message clear. You write in a very effective manner. There's only one awkward phrasing in there. Never say "But yet." Only one of the two words is neccessary. Pick one. No other advice. I like it.

I love this poem! The free use of language is really evocative. I love it when people take the grammar out of poetry and just listen to language patterns.

Thanks for sharing your poetry with us.

-L.B.

I liked the rhyme here- it really worked.

very powerfull. i love it. truth speaks in it, and i can really get a feeling out of it. good job

Hmm. I like the way everything rhymed, but in the actual poem, it was hard to tell what you were on about.

yes this is a really good poem...(hmmm its a little bit too good)well u wrote it and i admire your words hehehe kewl um bye - oh im finalzelda02 or is it 20... freind

It is clear that a lot of work went into this, and it's got some terrific thoughts in it with just the right tone. That is one great beginning you've got there, although I'd say the end may need a little bit of work to have it sum up the thoughts expressed in the poem. Two of the paragraphs have lines that are a bit too long, but that doesn't really matter in poetry, as you mentioned in your description, plus, overall I really enjoyed this. Keep up the good work!