|Reviews for Your Whole Life|
| AvaRicE 9/2/03 . chapter 1
Sometimes, its about choosing the lesser of two evils. Yet somehow, sometimes, somebody will manage to break through...
I love this :)
*clicks on fave stories button*
| Meaghan 7/22/03 . chapter 1
Hey, I really like that one!
| Dirty Wallpaper 5/21/03 . chapter 1
i really liked this, quite sad, and dark - but then those poems are ALWAYS the best :)
the end rhymes i loved, and i thought were really clever because if it were me trying to find 4 words to rhyme with each other even the stupidest person would be baffled at my lack of rhythmic sense! so well done for that.
all of yor stanzas were very deep and fit togetrher just so perfectly with the whole poem, it was very dream like - kind of like looking down on a nightmare.
my fav lines would have to be...
"Your whole life, you die under this curse,
Your forlorn hopes seem to disperse
And you wonder if it would be worse
To be in a hearse"
kudos, a great poem
| Kellza 2/18/03 . chapter 1
this has almost a rap rhythm to it. I'd love to hear it spoken aloud.
Sorry I can't comment any further than that. I just review with whatever comes to mind.
| Muslima 1/3/03 . chapter 1
I like it!
| axania chic 12/30/02 . chapter 1
wow this is really good i loved the 1st stanza but the rhyming doesn't really suit this i dunno maybe it's just me im not flaming ( i hate giving flames which im not now btw lol) its really well done the 2nd line was far the best well done
ps ta for all ur reviews really cheers me up lol
| AnthonyByakko 12/28/02 . chapter 1
A very good poem. You think along the same lines that I do. Constructive criticism: the rhyme scheme sounds a little forced, a problem I have and am trying to get through in my own writing. But the meaning is not lost, and gets through very well because the wording is powerful and meaningful. I enjoyed reading it very much.
(I'm trying to get to know more people on since I just joined and don't know anyone yet, so I'll keep reviewing yours if you would like to reciprocate and review some of mine.)
| Toad-Frog 12/26/02 . chapter 1
It is like building a wall around ones self. But when it comes tumbling down it's like a breath of fresh air. Put together well! Good job! Anyhow stopped by to wish you a Happy New Year and thank-you for all your reviews. Keep writing!
| hoellenwauwau 12/25/02 . chapter 1
very beautiful imagery! liked the last stanza, especially the last line. it's in contrast to the whole poem. hope to read more from you again soon! *g*
| simpleplan13 12/24/02 . chapter 1
awwww thats realy sweet & so true & i love the rhymingness!
| CaramelMacchiato 12/21/02 . chapter 1
It seems like it's from a point of view of a person who is viewing themselves from the outside, and they see a bitter and reserved soul...intruiging!
Excellent use of vocabulary, and metaphors! Punctuation could be better, though. Overall, a very good effort, and a wonderful outcome!
| Star7 12/20/02 . chapter 1
hidden in a cutting corner, speaking to the blank piercing wall. it hears your story and whispers it through those rusty pipes. the pipes hum of the fear and pain locked inside your soul closet. about how you never lived your life because you were too scared to open up and welcome those scars that would heal. how those risks were too much. and then finally, after the pipes are shaking the house with anger at these words and as that hearse rolls by, a smile. and it's ok again. your vocabulary was exquisite, per usual. i love how the rhythm seemed to dwindle at the end of each stanza. very effective format. the second to last one was a little off beat but i liked the word choice. my favorite stanzas were the beginning and end. you drew me in right away without letting me even think about. i love this undeniable truth. and the hope in the end, well, it made me smile too. (and it's so funny how ideas come out idears in your head because of the other words! lol)
| goonatic 12/18/02 . chapter 1
I like the way you carry the rhyme throughout the stanza and not just the couplet. The feeling that you create is very evocative. Really nice piece (although some of the rhymes are a little awkward and spurious)
| the Queen of Jupiter 12/18/02 . chapter 1
Very nice! However, I don't really like how every single line rhymes in each stanza: it doesn't flow too well due to that. I loved how you repeated "Your whole life" in each stanza, though. Excellent poem.
| Colonel Mustard 12/17/02 . chapter 1
Only half gone? I thought it was quite wonderful.. I think it really captures how one can feel sometimes - how one can hide (perhaps in a cloak of pride [Higgins!]) to disguise their true feelings. And letting fear warp perceptions, making one retreat even further into their shell. 'Your whole life reflects obscurity
With constant immaturity' that's very true of some:) 'And you wonder if it would be worse
To be in a hearse' and that's not just metaphorical either for some.. (hey 'beguiles', I just learned a new word:) And then naturally, the last-line brilliance, hehe. Anyway, best wishes for your writers block to clear completely, then we'll witness some truly magnificent poetry:)