Wow.

This ending was really sad. And kinda bitter. I usually hate when the main character dies, but this was somewhat fitting. But still sad!

A really nice story. I'm surprised you don't have very many reviews - it's deserving of more. Your writing style is very smooth, although I kept catching several grammar-type errors. It's not too noticeable, unless you're a grammar freak, like me...:(, lol.

Anyways, I look forward to seeing what else you write.

another good story.

Is it my imagination or do you just have a talent for endings with a twist?? I've never been much of a sci-fi fan, but this one got my interest! Good story, sad but good ending! Keep up the good work!!

Action good. Sterotypical catch phrases bad. Black clothing good. The name Naiomi bad. Other than the bad things it is good :P I'll keep reading later.. so all is good!

*laughs* very..different chapter.
Keep it up.
And hey, you can never be too restrictive on the coarse language.

gulp. Uh oh. 'nother good chapter..

whoa. Bad Jake. EVIL! But oh so entertaining...

I love the action too. Great job!

AAGH!! How are Naiomi and Jake possibly going to get out of there?!?! Must continue!

Exciting! Must keep reading!

Very good! So enthralling! I just have ta read MORE!!

very interesting. I like how it's described and yet the flow of the story isn't hindered. Good!

Wow! This is brilliant! You've really been working ** this little endeavour - it's evident from the very first chapter. Your pace is engaging; your use of first person perspective is definitely an inteligent choice as concerns your audience's empathy and pathos; and you don't seem to waste time with excess background or explanation - we know what the protagonist knows, and that is essential for successful character identification. I'll certainly continue to read this one, so very well done!

This is really coming along. Besides a few grammatical errors, everything seems fine. You're doing a decent job of developing your characters. Keep up the good work!

P.S. Thanks for the review :)

Nice. This first chapter is good. I will read the rest when time permits it. Looks good so far. BTW.I was wondering if you could take a look at my stuff if u had a chance. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks :)