Reviews for Onward - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Onward

oTisho 2003-06-08 ch 11,	this is very good, i don't know if this is an older story or not but I think you should update it. I would suggest making the chapters a bit longer each though, and maybe not saying love so much. Other than that, very good!
Autumn tears 2003-04-20 ch 11,	I really liked this story, but your characters are a little young. And the story is short and progresses quickly. You could make a really beautiful story out of this with more detail and less loving stuff. All relationships have faults. But nice job anyhow :D
~Mandy~ 2003-04-08 ch 11,	I am so happy for Cassidy and Devin and i hope that they get married soon.
leechyloucha 2003-03-25 ch 1,	i really like this chapter! there are again some gramatical errors but they arn't all that big. well i cya later
Fairy Child2 2003-03-19 ch 11,	Hey! I really like this story. Cassidy is an interesting character. She and Devin will be good together. I thought this chapter was alittle short, though and you tried to write too much at the same time. Does that make any sense? Oh well...Update soon! Fairy Child
Mandy 2003-02-24 ch 9,	This is my favorite story and i think devin is just the biggest sweetheart and i love him!! Keep up the good work!
leechy 2003-01-28 ch 8,	hey there are a few small grammer mistakes like know when it really should probobly be don't know or something like that but over all i like the way this story is turning out!
Isthischaos 2003-01-24 ch 7,	Another great story! Your characters are really believable, I just wanna know what happens next! I can virtually SEE the places and people you describe! Great work, keep it up! Angel xxx
Leech 2003-01-23 ch 7,	The aouthor of this story has developed her characters to be unique and interesting. I immediatly fell in love with the young princess cassidy. The setting creates a beautiful look at the story and creates a interesting mood. The conflict suggested is exquisit and shows the aouthor's talent. This is an awesome story and when finished will be amazing! (sorry for any misspellings it is a rather large week spot of mine!)
~Mandy~ 2003-01-23 ch 7,	I really love this story. I think it was cool how u worked the mother's story into it. Plus the story really fits in with what is going on. Keep writing girl!!!!
Kayrie 2003-01-16 ch 1,	As usual, you write well. Your choice of words is excellent. HOwever I noticed something you did from time to time. For example, this line: Coming from behind, Cassidy ran up to him, "Race you!" And the two children hastened toward the royal city of Coracus. The problem is not with the line, but with the words "cassidy ran up to him "race you!". The correct format is the following: Cassidy ran up behind him. "Race you!" ONe other thing and i am done. Devin got up as well, brushing the grass off his tunic and [he starting to walk toward the looming buildings in the distance.] I brackted teh problem. you were fine until you wrote and....the last phrase is a fragment. IT should be something like this. ...and he started to walk toward the looming building.... Whew, sorry for writing so long, but it was important.
~Mandy~ 2003-01-15 ch 5,	I love Chp. 5. The magic aspect makes things more exciting. I hope that she falls in love with Devon. They would be great together.
2003-01-11 ch 4,	Hey Laurel!! I like this story even better then the other one!! It's a really great story and Cassidy is a great character.
2003-01-11 ch 4,	hey, this is great, i can't wait to see what happens next. Who Cassidy will marry, and what will happen with Devin.

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