Wow!! I liked it!! Say, when are you going 2 update your other fics on FFN?

Pretty good for your first song, not too bad. But some of the phrasing seems forced and looses the lyrical feel to it. Also, try to avoid using 'coz' and ues "'cause". It's something a lot of people do, but, in my opinion, when writing a song or poem try using the correct spelling. [When writing a piece of prose, you generally don't use 'coz' either]. Anyway, it is great for your first piece. Some of it has an awesome flow to it and is really cool. Great job

-Jessie