FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| pennydeath 2004-04-05 ch 1,  | abuseWow...that's really good - I liked the roughness of it. One little thing: "lemon yellow/tipped with magenta" and "wet lemon magenta" seem too similar and the "white mud" repetition would be a lot more dramatic if not for those bits. Try substituting synonyms - citric fuscia or something. (is braindead - cannot be thesaurus) Yes. Really nice. |
| cramer 2003-10-22 ch 1, | abuseobviously you weren't seeing mud. You must have just been walking through a forest that had a high population of birdlife... i like this poem. I think its kinda funny... but thats just me... |
| La vie Verte 2003-01-19 ch 1, | abuseI really really liked the concept! I'd also really like to thank you for your bio, which I don't usually do when writing reviews. I actually enjoyed reading a bio! amazing. |
| Kikaria 2003-01-16 ch 1, | abuseuhhhhh.... well, i commend you on your... different story. there are some oximorons in there and you seem to contridict yourself in there, but.... i dunno, the whole thing seems a little odd... another thing is that this really isnt an epic poem. Odysseus is an epic poem. this is 300 words. add another few thousand and you can call it an epic pome. epic poems do have structure, you just cant go around calling anything you feel like an epic poem. an epic poem needs a hero ( a hero has one or more of the following; A- is the child of a god or godess. B- hides or does not no his or her heritage. C- recieves help in the form a a friend, a god, or an animal. D- Has strenghths and weekneses. E- Goes on a quest.) an epic poem has to have conflicts... an introduction, rising action, a climax, falling action, and a resolve. there is a lot more to say, but i have probebley bored you to death already, so i'll let you go now. the one last thing is that i hope you do not think of this as a flame, i'm really just trying to help, i hope that you are not insulted in any way peace out and dont let the government know who you are, ZoToH ZhAaN |