Pretty good. I noticed one thing: In chapter 9, when Rana first meets Draco and says she wants the war, Draco's response is cut off.

Wait a second...you DIDN'T WRITE THIS? Oh, thank Gods. Well, I'm skipping to the sequel, then. lols. You should have warned me, silly girl! I was reading it and thinking..."this doesn't seem like Steph's style at all!"
Gods, I could shoot you for this. Okay, I'll be back in a second.

"After many long hours of pleasurable submittance, Draco had decided that he was not only going to take a wife, but he was also going to finally start the war with Cordalia and win." *blinks again* That was so random! You haven't told us why on earth he would suddenly decide to go to war. Is this supposed to be funny? Because this:
"There was only one flaw in Dracos plans. He had no means to start a war, nor any for an army"
is hilarious. There is no. . .logic, to it. No rhyme or reason.
At least Draco is genuinely evil. I was concerned that he was going to be redeemed, making this more D/Hr-ish. It seems less D/Hr now.
The descrption was better in this chapter, in the part where Draco was going to the oracle. It could still use some work though.
"You wish for information. A clever thing to acquire. Do not ask it from me. For if you do, I will be forced to unleash the wrath of my power on you. There is, however, another way to get the information you need." That was random...that whole 'wrath' thing? Way too random. It makes your story seem cheesy when you do things like that.
The idea of sending his fiancee over to seduce the other prince is a pretty good idea though. Nice twist.
Reading on...

"Draco studied this new fathom." *blinks* Wrong word.
Oh dear. She really is a Hermione. Maybe you did this without realizing it, but look: She had long wavy brown hair that had been pulled up in a loose bun. when Biatranna had left for Mandalor she had terrible buckteeth. . Biatranna looked up from her plate and watched Dracos every move with her intelligent eyes.
All those things scream Hermione.
"Your beauty overcomes me." I think the word ought to be 'overwhelmes'...it would just be more appropriate. Oh, and after that, you forgot to start a new paragraph for Biatranna's text. Was this for stylistic purposes or just a lapse of memory?
"Minutes later, Draco hurled her onto a gigantic bed and pounced on top of her shredding her clothing off." That was too fast. If you want the readers to get into the story and be sympathetic to the characters, you've got to give more description. When you rush over important plot moments, you decrase the effectiveness of the story. Also, the word 'pounced' is boung to take away the seriousness. It's just so funny, lol.
"Biatranna had ceased all forms of struggle realizing that sleeping with a prince would put her in an excellent position. She let him have his way with her; after all it would be worth it once she was queen." *blinks* Okay, maybe she's not as Hermione-esque as I thought. Where did that come from? Again, it's always better to show us than to tell us things. The way you've written this keeps the readers distanced from the characters. There's no room for understanding or empathizing...and typically, you want the readers to empathize with your characters, right?
You need more description.
"Now nothing, not even Biatranna's cleverness could stop him from having her any time he wanted." Okay, I can't suspend my disbelief here, simply because Biatranna's actions have shown her to be a dim-witted, trashy, power-hungry ** thus far. It seems as if she and Draco are very well suited. Besides, she WANTED to be queen, so even if her so-called 'wits' were about her, she'd sleep with him any time he wanted! lols.
EEk, I don't mean to be harsh, though. When you read my fic, feel free to pick at it as much or more than I've picked at yours, okay? If you don't I'll feel horrible. lol.
Anyhoo, so far the main issue is description. Events have progressed in the span of two short chapters that could easily have taken three long ones. You haven't given your readers a chance to be sucked in. I think that's the problem. Nothing else would seem so problematic if that were taken care of.
Reading on...

WARNING; I'm always brutally objective:
*shakes finger* Steph! This is practically a Draco/Hermione fic! lols. You even used Draco's name, and Biatranna..."A girl with bushy brown hair and thick glasses" who is now beautiful? Oh, dear.
I think the first few paragraphs are a bit boring. That's a problem with my fic, too. I don't think you ought to have given us Draco's history right off the bat. It's always better to show people a character's personality and past throughout the story than try to sum it up in a nut-shell in a few paragraphs. In writing, showing is always better than telling. Giving an explanation later is good, and giving background is good. . .but try not to make it so obvious or all at once. Instead of telling us that Draco has drown to hate the other country, you could have shown us thorugh dialogue. Also, maybe I only found this because of my D/Hr fanatacism, but it seemed like you may as well have stamped "DRACO'S PARENTS MADE HIM THIS WAY!" in bright green letters over top of the text.
Hopefull I'm wrong. Hmm, let's see...

Awwww... I luv Britt's story. It's right after mine! Go read Foreshadowing Prophecies... cuz you love this story and mine explains it! I want reviews as well... i am criticism hungry! Please review here then go to mine! Yay Britt's story! Off to bed...

hey!!

awwwwwwwww!!! how could u end like THAT!!!!! but i agree, that was sooo a cliffhanger!!!! i got realy into the story, it seems unfair to me and all u're readers 2 end like that :)
oh well, i guess it doesn't matter. i thought Ryo and Biatranna made the cutest couple ....but i still stand buy what i said, YOU CAN'T LEAVE IT LIKE THAT!!!
c'mon, u gotta continue...i'm dying 2 know what happens!!!

luv, nadia

Sao: *looks around confused* Wait. You mean, this is the end of this story?

HOS: That bites!!!

Sao: How could you?! I will never forgive you!!!!

HOS: I second that1

Sao: *in a sing-song voice* Un-less...*rather quickly* You write the other one really quickly, and then I will not send my man-eating rabbit after you. And he's scary!!!

HOS: *as if in a trance* Yes, don't let the fuzzy cuteness fool you.

Sao: All right, we must be off, write the next one quickly, so we can go read that one!!!
~Sao & HOS

Why did you stop there? Why don't you put "Rana's Revenge" in with this story since it seems that they are the same story, not just a sequel.
Good story though, but I would like to suggest that you start a new paragraph for every person that is speaking, it makes it much easier to follow.

Hey! NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!! :( It was really good though :) It did seem to be a little too fast paced where more detail would have been more affective...

I was reading the rest of the story.. and some of it doesn't seem too realistic. Something that you can improve on is lengthening certain parts to convince your readers more. Especially the meeting with the oracle. It would also be easier to read if you skipped lines between different dialogues. Also, it seems weird when Ryo decided to tell Biatranna a secret, why would a reasonably smart prince unload his secrets to a mysterious girl he just met the day before? Overall, the only problem is that the story needs to be longer in certain areas. Good luck!

I'm guessing that in the first couple of paragraphs of the intro, it's not supposed to be exactly FUNNY.. but it was actually quite humorous to me. Your tone of diction makes it hilarious at times.. especially "nothing short of a monster", and definitely "Peasants are vermin". Usually peasants are depicted as poor, helpless people who are the victims of society. So I really enjoyed it when the peasants where the bad ones in this story. ("ritual peasant torturing")
Keep up the good work. Good luck!

Sao & HOS: Ha!!!! We knew there was another chapter!

Sao: Are we brilliant, or are we brilliant?

HOS: Hm, I'd go w/ the former, although the latter is quite appealing!

Sao: *lol* Yes, we know, we're conceited. Hey, you said you like Harry Potter, right? I know some extremely funny stories, but a lot of them are slash. Just go to my fave list.
~Sao & HOS

Sao: I could have sworn there was another chapter after this, but if there is, it's not showing on my computer!!!!

HOS: We'll have to go check.

Sao: Okay, Biatranna is getting on my last nerve. She needs to tell him the truth already...

HOS: Before things get too complicated...

Sao: Because it can only get harder!
~Sao & HOS

Sao & HOS: Can't talk, getting good. Two more chapters to read
~Sao & HOS