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| swwigy 2003-06-24 ch 4, | Ok... this is pretty good. I dont like the way it starts all serious and then goes insanly funny and parody-like. That doesnt make very much sense. i like the kenshin parody, it was very funny, i was laughing like a mad man, and i like the way i blurt out communism stuff out of no where... thats sounds just like me. oh ya, and you are very powerful, but really, i guess thats how the main character goes... like in my story, but swwigy in my story has the armor and the entire for of the dead behind him... it make ssense... but hes still a good fighter with out the armor... proved in... that one chapter... ^_^ anyhow... you should make me like obsessed with blood or something... heheheeh... lets see... ill talk with you later... |
| RedLady 2003-06-24 ch 4, | HAH HAH! THIS IS SO FUNNY! I like Mister Platypus. *Hugs Platypus.* He eats coins... who could hate that? ^_^ (and just what do you people plan to do with this potent insane potion from the great Platypus himself? HMM!?!!? MAKE SOMEONE GO INSANE!?!?!?) Like we need more insane people in the world... YOU'RE ALL INSANE ANYWAY! HAH HAH! Nishek is the female version of Kenshin. That would be a fun thing to do with the whole series. Change it around so that all girls are guys and all guys are girls and it would always be the GIRL SAVING THE DAY SINCE KENSHIN IS INVINSIBLE BUT ALWAYS LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE AND WORRY FOR "her own good." .\/. (I'm still mad at Kenshin...) GRR! THEY SHOULD ALL JUMP HIM AT ONCE! Even those two little girls can pitch in. ^_^ Anyway, don't know about this reverse blade ax deal though. I don't think it's possible or you just turn the ax around... maybe it would have been a reverse blade spear or something... I don't know... @_@ HAH HAH! The wendigo escaped didn't he? The Ruffians were funny! GOOD OLD HG SAVING THE DAY JUST BY STANDING THERE LOOKING ALL INTIMIDATING! ^_^! HE'S MY HERO! Poor HG always ends up getting knocked out doesn't he. WAH! Swwigy's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "The ball never fails, and yet there you are standing as if nothing happened!" That in no way sounds like Swwigy. IMPOSTER! And what exactly is "the ball..." BEHOLD! THE TENNIS BALL OF DOOM! HG in werewolf form would have a fun time with that... ^_^ "Well today's your lucky day pal, cause you've experienced something you never have before, and now you have the privilege to get your head bashed in!" HG said. "Let me at him, this will be a piece of cake!" M... I like cake. "Are you sure you want to do this Swwigy?" Miamotosan asks. "It would be a shame to hurt you, and your pride." WHAT!?!?!?! SWWIGY SHOULD SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL OR SOMETHING FOR SAYING THAT!?!?!? "Could it be that he predicted my prediction and flipped over me instead of just jumping?" Or maybe you just got lucky... NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE GREAT SWWIGY! HE'S INVINSIBLE! (Or just really good.) And no, I'm not sucking up to you Swwigy, unless you give me a cookie. ^_^ AND I WANTED TO BE HIS SECRETARY! GRR! "You forgot the one rule of fighting, fight to win. Talking during a fight is just a weakness showing your insecurities. Hmm although it can be a weapon used to make your opponent insecure, it wastes time thinking of what to say next." WHAT!?!?! THAT IS SO HYPOCRITICAL!! BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING HIMSELF! YOU SILLY SOD! (And Swwigy's third persons would never run away. They will stick by him through thick and thin and even let me draw on them and give them make overs.) *_* "He brings great shame to the people of darkness." Mercury began. "We had no idea he had multiple personalities. And when he fought so many demons he developed strange powers. Then he cracked and is now wandering the world seeking, something." I think I will include something like that in my own story. ^_^ Mercury steps up and says with a slight chill, "Before we begin I would like you to know that I am a Master of Darkness." HAH HAH! MERCURY'S ALL "I'm so much more better than you are you sure you want to fight me because I mastered the darkness and you didn't and now you are gonna get your butt kicked by me..." Oh... so that's what he did with the insane potion... EVIL! YOU MEAN THEY ARE NOT TO THE JALORB PASS YET!?!?! *Falls over anime style...* YI YI YI!! Ok, until next time this is your god-like sister signing off... HEE HEE!! No just kidding. I am not a god, I wish I was... wait, no I don't. Um... anyway. Wishing you many reviews and stuff and don't die and don't make Swwigy mad because I can only hold him off for so long... You're going to work at Mcdonald's aren't you? Hmm... YOU SHALL NOW FEEL EVERY OUNCE OF MY REVENGE!! Just kidding. BUt I'm going on a vengence quest now. (Like everyday.) VENGENCE IS MINE! .\/. |
| The HG man 2003-04-29 ch 3, | Hey-O! Horenduos Guy here! ^_^ Wazzup?! Anyway, cool chapter! Too bad Miamotosan nad HG didn't make it... ^_^ Nice going! Keep it up! Oh, and just a bit of constructive reviewing... To really make this a good story... I think you need to put in a little more of what the characters are feeling. I mean, suddenly the character gets frozen and breaks free? You need to get more indept. you have to get into detail with the rage the character feelings. you have to get into dept as to where the character finds his internal strength. But that's just me being constructive. Don't get me wrong. I'm not flaming. Good luck! ^_^ The ever illusive, Hyper Guyver |
| RedLady 2003-04-29 ch 3, | Hi! "Zing!" I'm reading this over again. "Zing, Zing!" And having trouble with all these bolts flying at me... "Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing, Zing..." Whoa! @_@ "Your mind can be your greatest weapon" IT CAN?? *Takes out brain and hits bad guys with it.* "Focus on your settings, feel the environment and your opponent." Um excuse me... If I "Feel" my opponent I might get arrested for sexual harrassment... -_- "Listen to the vibrations and the airflow." Vibrations: You must be hungry. Airflow: Go eat! Red: Wow! Thanks Bro! I would never eat in my entire life if it wasn't for you telling me to listen to those two dudes named Vibrations and Airflow. And then I heard I would have died if I didn't do what they said and eat. YOU SAVED MY LIFE! ^_^ HEE! "Any sound can be used to your advantage, any object can be used as a weapon." *Says to sound.* I'd like to take advantage of you. *Says to object* I'd like to use you as a weapon. Heh heh. I'm just being silly. I hope you laugh a lot at this review and become like my hero Mr. Laughs A Lot. A Wendigo? I KNEW IT!! THE ABOMINABAL SNOWMAN DOES EXIST! *Hugs Wendigo and he melts.* OOps... "Alright, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" I thought it went if at first you don't succeed, run away or give up or die. One of those @_0 He jumped down into the watery depths? But the Wendigo's down there... His heart almost stopped of shock? Does that mean his heart's frozen? Very, very suspicious... (Hey I wanna know what colors YOU see when you die and get revitalized by magic elixir!) You wanna know what I see? I see red. "I'm seeing Red again!" No just kidding, actually it's all these sparkling silver colors with stars. Yeah, I see stars and birdies that fly around my head. "If you have Dark Sin as a sparring partner you could become very powerful, hmm." I think Dark Sin would think he is too powerful to spar with a common thief, eh? ~_^ "Warriors of darkness are in a constant war with evil and the occasional escaped demon, but it's all kept in the background, away from normal people." HAH HAH! ALL YOU NORMAL PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T KNOW THAT ARE JUST... NORMAL! Actually I think that shadow at the end was DArkshin. I blame all unbeknownst shadows on him. does this make him the shadow master? (A shadow appears behind RedLady. All you have to do is... turn on the lights.) HEE HEE!! ^_^ AND HE HAD TO SLEEP ON A STONE SLAB! HAH HAH, HAH, HAH HAH! *cough, cough, cough.* Bleh! : |- |
| lener 2003-04-05 ch 1, | hey... you're red's brother, right? well... i was going to read her fic Dread Lady when she said it was related to Training Under Darkness, which is your fic so I decided to read it, and boy am I glad I did! This fic's really cool, though I've only read your first chapter... I know there's a second one, but I'll save it for a later day. Your writing's good, and you don't really have to worry about descriptive stuff anyway. People have their own writing styles and each one is unique! Good work and do update soon! |
| Karma50 2003-02-09 ch 2, | "Please don't be angry that anything has happened to your character." Grrr! I have just been spun around several feet in the air and you expect me not to be ANRGY?! I'm not angry, i'm dizzy. (lol) but I don't have orange hair unless my brothers have been playing tricks again... The thief and assasin contests? Kind of violent isn't it? And I had no idea being a good pick pocketer was such an amazing thing. I think this chapter was good because you get a good idea of the kind of surroundings these characters are used to if you understand me and it was fun! (Apart from when I got thrown out of the ring) Oh and i'm sueing Miamotosan for woman beating! No one punches me in the stomach and gets away with it! Karma P.S Thanks for the reviews! |
| Uncommitted 2003-02-08 ch 2, | I love your story. Update as soon as possible. Your story reminds me of my friend's story. But she only has down about 1 paragraph. If you ever need any ideas or get a writer's block, come to me. I always get good ideas. I tell stories better than I write. Give me materials to work with and I'll give you a masterpiece (well, not really). UPDATE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don' have a fan, well, you do now ^-^! |
| Chazbone8 2003-02-08 ch 2, | WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why doese everything of mine explode in every single fanfic that I am in! WHY!!!!!!!! Oh well, it was a good story, can't wait to read the next chapter. P.S. I would like to be in the next chapter if it isn't a big hassle. |
| Alma Linda 2003-02-08 ch 2, | WOW!! Good descriptions of everything... Poor HG!! T-T I hope he's ok... well, if his heart stopped beating, i guess he isn't... I liked the part about the pickpocketing, nd the stealth test. I can't wait to see what happens!! :( I would write more but i have to get offline to call my friend and ask for a ride... Maybe Damien will take me.. *Voice: HA! As if!* GRRR.... -_- ok, well, good chapter! try starting new paragraph as each character speaks, like this--*tries to think up dialogue..* Ok, random dialogue from an old story "You really shouldn't do that you know," He commented, walking to the crying girl, "Beautiful children don't need scars." "i am neither beautiful, nor am i a child," She glared warningly, "Leave me." She turned back to what she'd been doing. A deep cut in her wrist allowed blood to seep from her, and she held her sharpened knife to another patch of skin, and dug into it. "You are so ignorant, little one," He was suddenly face to face with her, and suddenly, he was behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other reaching over to pry the dagger from her small hand. "If you want to die," he pulled the knife away, dragging it across her skin, "Then allow me to do the honors," "Wha-- Ugh!!" He walked away, she teen girl left behind in his wake, crumpled on the ground with a deep cut in her neck. "Ignorance," He observed, "It really is deadly, isn't it?" "It indeed is," He gasped and turned to meet a pale fist. Cupping his hands over his broken nose, he looked up into the girl's blood red eyes. "So.." She slid up to him, whispering into his ear, "take your own advice, and Think first." Ok... matybe i should have chosen something with less details... oh well. Shoot i'm late!! gotta go, bai!! --Distortion-- CS |
| Alma Linda 2003-02-08 ch 1, | I'm reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally sorry i didn't come around sooner. To tel he truth, this is the first time i'm in fnn for a really long time. i went to red's, to read her chapter, and then i left for a while. i havn't caught up on so much!! T-T Oooh.... *sways to metallica* I just finished downloading it, hehehe. I love them! I also love the red hot chili peppers, heehee. lol, how did i get around to talking about favorite bands? O.o well before i move on, just know that i also love linkin park. ^_^ Ok, this is really good so far, i like the lock picking. (if you ever need a lock picked, go ahead and call me @ 1(909)666-2666 ^_~!! lol, well, yea, it's true, this is turning out really good so far! ^^ I can't wait to read the next chapter!! Lucky for me, you just updated! (notice a system here? lol, well there isn't one, haha) Um.. ok that was wierd... lol i think i better move on.. i need to review other stuff, and then attack my friend and beg her for a ride... or at least beg her mother for a ride... CS |
| Hyper Guyver 2003-02-08 ch 2, | Wow, you gave me a pretty big part in this didn't you. Well, this was pretty cool. Keep up the good work Adro The ever illusive, Hyper Guyver |
| RedLady 2003-02-07 ch 2, | Ok. Get ready for a really long review brother. And I hope other people read it too. ^_^ "Indeed." was Mercury's only reply. Why does that sound so much like Darkshin? I swear, people are taking his gimicks!! Maybe because they are cool... I don't know... @_@ But you have to admit Darkshin is pretty... uh... "dark" and not pretty... oh great... he's gonna get me... *Is paraniod.* AND HG!!!! HAH HAH HAHAAAHAHAHAAHAH!!!! Or should I say, "Horrendous Guy!" HAHAHAAHAHA!!!! (I'm not laughing at you HG.) But you make him sound like a huge lovable Barbarian from Diablo with lots and lots of armor! He seems to be a bit clumbsey too... @_@ At least he won two of the contests! *Takes out pom-poms* GO HG!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HORRENDOUS GUY!!!! "That sounds simple enough," a scrawny guy remarked enthusiastically. Who was this scrawny guy, Adro? Are you saying someone is scrawny? ??????????????????????? AND HG BROKE THE TARGETS!!! THAT WAS FUNNY TO ME! MAybe it wasn't really meant to be funny. But it was... hee hee hee... But then he knocked down the dummy... : ( AND THEY ALL BEAT HIM UP!!! HOW RUDE!!! (HG, Adro seems to like your character the most since he is mentioned so much in this chapter...) And Karma? YOU GO GIRL!!! You got him right in the back even though you didn't win the race. I feel bad about HG's scream though. HG KEEP IT DOWN!!! @_@ And you couldn't have matched up anyone besides Swwigy and Chazbone! SWWIGY!!! CHAZBONE!!! SWWIGY!! CHAZBONE!!! AH!!!!!! (I bet Swwigy would know way better moves than that though. This one time he set the whole Chat room on fire and then proceeded to fill it up with ice... I guess you could have said hell freezed over even though I am pretty sure we weren't in hell but a chat room maybe that was similated like hell and... um... nevermind...) BUT YOU GO CHAZ!!! Hee hee hee... *Runs away from some muffins.* HUNG CHUNG!!! WHO THE HECK IS HUNG CHUNG!!! WHOEVER HE IS, HE HAS A COOL NAME AND i guess I should turn off caps now... hee hee Hung chung yung fung lung ying yang fang train sane insane... crazy... blood pressure... rising... getting ready to explode... *Explodes.* That's better... And interesting how Diablo two Freaks name got shortened to Freak... very, very suspicious... AND NUKERLIU!!! AH!! YOU MADE HIM SOUND LIKE A BULLY!! I'm surprised you didn't mention something that looked like a nuke coming from the sky towards Miamotason but that's ok. And you sure got a little violent there, bro... But then again I guess it was to prove that assassins and theives don't always live pleasant lives and do things that are disturbing... Sorry chazbone but your armor exploded... I think I've started something here... Wow. didn't really mean too... but it was kind of funny. At least you weren't "exposed" with all that ash... *coughs from the dust.* Hee yun hung chung rung fung sung mung bung chung lung dung nung qung thung thong... @_@ Sorry, I just had to mutter some incomprihensible words... I have a feeling that we will see HG in future chapters... that's good. I'd like to make a shout out to HG! YEah, he's my homie and we hang in the hood... *Tries to sound like a gangsta...* And that healing elixer sounds like all those games with the healing potions... YOU COPIER!!! (Just kidding.) He took off his helmet wiped his face with his sleeve and walked into a corner and started rocking back and forth. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO What happened to him!!! HG is one of the least persons I would think to be rocking back in forth in corners... Does this mean I can invite him to my rocking back in forth in corners club... hmmm maybe Alma would like to come and Chazzy and Swwigy and Mr. Platypus... *Goes over her list of Crazy friends...* Anyway, I don't exactly know what's gonna happen in the gauntlet because you haven't written it yet. But after the guantlet comes the training with Mercury. And then comes Dark SIN and Brute Soul... hee hee hee heh heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... bye bye now. And hurry up and write the next part! I like this story the best. But Solitarius 9 was cool too. SO WRITE THEM BOTH!! WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER STORIES!!!! Hee hee hee... *Sees a nuke headed her way...* That's my cue to leave... see you... *The world explodes.* Well that's gonna take a while to put back together... |
| Chazbone 2003-01-25 ch 1, | Wow, that was great, misterious and stuff. I really like it. But I still don't see the differnce between dark and evil. Perhaps I never will. I just don't hope I am I mad inventor with everything blowing up in my face. (Curse you Red! Why have you burdened me with the curse of the mad inventor!) But if I am that's ok to. Just can't wait for the next chapter. |
| The HG man 2003-01-22 ch 1, | Hey, this ain't bad! hope you update soon! Can't wait until you put dreadLady in it. LOL The ever illusive, Hyper Guyver |
| Karma50 2003-01-22 ch 1, | Hiya! RedLady says I am going to be in this story? I hope so. I like it so far, it was a good first chapter to introduce us to some characters. I can tell i'm going to like this story, it has a really good base storyline. Either get RedLady to tell me when the next chap is up or tell me in a review *hint hint* Until next time, Karma |