It is a little awkard to read, but I really liked the way you did the whole hide-and-seek thing. A little more sentimental than I usually like... but I can be sentimental at times.

love it brung tears to my eyes thanks for the review
Mandi~

It was pretty good, for a short, simple story. I understand that it was written for High School English and thus probably doesn't represent your full writing or plot-weaving ability. There isn't much I can say I would have done differently. I guess the climax would have been more powerful if the characters had had time to be developed, but of course you probably didn't have time to go that in-depth. Also, I would have said
"they were stopped by Colonel Arnold J. Hitzner, or 'Colonel Arnie,' as everyone called him."
the other way around, like this:
"they were stopped by Colonel Arnie. Colonel Arnold J. Hitzner in full, he..."
By the way, I found your profile through your reviews of MrBlack's stories. MrBlack posted on a forum I go to until he went off to the military.

First, listen hard...upon finishing this story, one can actually hear a dust speck coming to rest on the computer screen. This was a wonderful story, which really makes a person stop for a minute after reading for it to really settle in.

I love stories like this, because this is how life is: there are few, if any, strictly happy endings where everything works out. A lot of people refuse to read or write such things, because Hollywood, and similar powers, have pushed so much sappy junk on us that people think anything else is worthless. Your story was wonderfully-written, and conveyed emotion amazingly. Keep it up!

Very Emotional. I think I shed a tear reading this. It's very well writen. You have a nack for writing something that touches the heart. I hope to read more from you soon. :-)

i dunno wat ding-dong waz thinkin! uv got swet karakterz an uthur god stuf . th boyz r kewl. y did u mak th 1 boi di? i luv ur stor-e! u uzd big wurdz but i stil lik ur stor-e!

OK that was COMPLETELY POINTLESS! What the hell is the use of writing a DUMB story if the hero DIES. You are so DUMB. I mean, you don't even write well enough to make up for a STUPID plot.

What you SHOULD have done was just kill off EVERYONE. Yeah, maybe that would have been better. Kill every single person. Why did you have to kill HIM. I was thinking of him as a Prospective. you KNOW.

Anyway, back to YOU. You are a sick-minded twisted person. I would NEVER write a story as horibble as this one. I mean, it's TERRIBLE. I don't really know why I don't like it, but STILL your story is DUMB!

Oh, and did I mention that you are DUMB?!

Ok, morbid and crazy is very right! It is even crazier because there is not a whole lot of plot or character development. Tell me, the next time I see you, how your teacher liked it! And do you have any other works like this? I want to read them!

OMG! That's so sad.I really liked it, although
the way the two boys talked made them seem like
they were seven instead of fourteen.Great
Story, though.
-Artemis