How deliciously sparse. Full of gems and beats. I dug the "spasms uncontrollably rattle my soul for leg to toe." and the use of spacing for the beats. It runs to it's own tune, and I really think that's about the beatest thing in the poem. That and the witty lines. "I must look like a loon" the "leg to toe" bit and the "random lyrics"
My advice: Continue the rythem in it. If it's natural bring it out as much as you can. A wonderfull start here, I'd say the rythem employed throughout (both with and without the spacing) added immensly to this poem. Keep on exparementing.

-kirney

Hey Starry!
Just decided to come of ff.net (well, fictionpress or whatever it is now! lol) cuz havent done in ages and ages. And went on your profile, and then on this poem. Which have not read before. Tis v good! Think shall go read some more of your stuff now, since don't ever remember reading poetry by you before.
Anyways, toodles!
*Katie*

hehe, cute :)