FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Trapped-Bird 2003-12-14 ch 1,   | I love The BRoken style!! Specially at the end.. So pretty :) |
| PainKiller 2003-06-28 ch 1, | The words flow together beautifully. This was a simply gorgeous poem. I loved it. |
| Needa S 2003-02-20 ch 1, | *wipes tears it touched my heart* the tears are flowing I love it. It's beautiful. Write another you are very gifted. This is Smiley-Bear I changed my name.. |
| billion11 2003-02-20 ch 1, | Very nice, the mention from above brings back memories of old teaching of heaven being above and hell below. The words float well. |
| angelfaeriegurl 2003-02-20 ch 1, | Beautifully written and thought-out. |
| Lowell Boston 2003-02-20 ch 1, | Hi Lady L. Wonderful descriptive poem! I'm curious about the way you've structured your lines, and wonder if you you need as many line breaks as you have? Line breaks between stanzas or verses generally signify a pause in the meter of a poem. With all of your breaks it seems to slow down the rhythm of your piece. If this was intended, then no problem. Also, I think you can distill some of your lines down to a tighter whole. Perhaps: Angels, golden glow, halo crowned. Soaring through the heavens cloaked in snowy gowns of white. Blessed by the heavenly father, the soaring messengers spread Wings of the softest feather down to spread heavenly goodness to the world The angels, sent from above, appear at the flicker of wings from a dove. Take the above only as a suggestion. I really like this poem. Feel free to flame me back if you strongly disagree with anything I've said. Lowell |
| Shao Li 2003-02-20 ch 1, | .Okay. We already KNEW that about angels. It's nothing new. I suppose your writing has a lot in common with that, ne? |