Wow, I really liked this one.
Great short! really.
Very morbid and again you're really good with the analogies.
It really doesn't need anymore!
Lovely.
Take Care,
~Pigwidgin~

This is off to a good start. However, some minor editing should be done - where is not quite the same as were. Mistakes like those confuse the reader, but can be easily overcame.
Anyway, this does sound pretty good, and I hope you post more!

I love how your writing is so descriptive. It's like you're right there.
I'd love to see you continue this, and if you do, please email me.