All right, I know this is slow in coming but I've been crazy studying for APs.
Having read only the first chapter at Elfwood, let me just say that the story as a whole is much, much better than the first chapter would indicate. Congratulations on that, you plot nicely and you have skill for twists.
I'm not sure what Admiral has been saying, but I'd like to re-draw your attention to such minor details as tense and spelling and grammar... if you ever need help, I'd be glad to look over pieces for you, because they're really just nitpicky things that you get used to as time goes by (and as you keep fixing them and fixing them and fixing them).
Of course, I still like your lightly caustic tone, which brightens the story hugely and allows for characters who would be too perfect in another circumstance to seem more real. Someone (like Rane) destined to be ruler, gifted in fighting and intelligent and with some magical link to her brother, given a normal tone, would be very grating, but your tone diffuses it a bit.
Generally, great story, and I hope you post more soon!

Y'know, I actually read this chapter when it was first posted, but I held back comment because when I finished reading it I couldn't help feeling there was something really screwed up about it. It wasn't just the normal nitpicks about spelling and grammar - and there are some. It was something big, but since I've been so caught up in apartment-hunting and moving lately I was a little slow on the uptake. So I re-read it tonight and it hit me:

"When the pirate had knocked me out he had obviously ordered me into one of the escape pod's Cryochambers so I couldn't cause any more ruckus."

WTF?!

Congratulations, Em. With this chapter you demoted Captain O'Connor from "inexperienced" right back down to "Stupid"!

Let me get this straight: His brilliant idea for dealing with Rane was to place her - unbound AGAIN - in a device designed to open in a hurry under threat of heavy damage, in a small spacecraft meant specifically to be quickly launched and easily piloted, which is capable of tremendous speeds (hence the acceleration couch), and equipped with a ship-to-ship comms capability (hence Rane's ability to eavesdrop on the attackers transmissions)?? Shoot! Why didn't he just wrap a shuttlecraft in a big pink bow and give her the keys to it at a candlelight dinner?

Admiral to O'Connor: Their called SHACKLES and a BRIG! You do not need to have commanded ships for fifty years to understand the concept behind their use! Anybody who's ever watched a pirate movie or a Horatio Hornblower special can figure it out. You take the prisoner, put him/her in heavy restraints and then throw said person in a small, bare room with bars on every access point and put people with GUNS nearby! Why? To SHOOT the prisoner in case the restraints and the small room with the bars don't work the way they're supposed to!

If you really want plot suggestions, Em, I have one for you, and I'll be more than happy to ignore the next ten nitpicks if you follow my advice. You obviously want Rane to get off the pirate ship in a bad way, so in the next chapter just have her GET OFF IT already, For The Love Of God! I don't care how you do it, just so long as I no longer have to spend any more time reading about Captain Dimwit and his merry band of idiots!

(wags finger and tuts) This is YOUR story, dear. It goes where YOU take it, or, if you're not careful, where it takes itself.
I'm back again after another sojourn in the dark, dull and dank depths of Reality. I have to get back into the habit of coming here.
I like the way this is shaping up. But I'm starting to like Peter better than Rane. Dunno why, he just seems to be more of a likeable character. And the pirate dude does seem inexperienced.
No puns this time. Sorry.

Hey, cool chapter. Just happens I came on the same day you updated. ^_^ Interesting how things work out.
The guy inhte cloak soundsliek somethign I would write OO. He's a cool villain, lol. Anyways yea, Ima try to coemto club more often so maybe I'll see you tommorow!
-Alex

That was too short, and you know it. PLEASE WRITE MORE!

I finally finished all the chaters I havnet read. I like this story more andmore as you write it. Its an interesting take on the military cou, with teh woman as teh monarch to be and such. You are playing out the drama very well, congrats. Oh and congrats agian on reaching 17! someting i could never do in 10 years =P
Well ill read the next one when you put it up.
--Alex

Another nice chapter, seems you have a very complex plot thats going on?
Anyways Ill read the next one,
-Alex

Nice chapter, Greg died? that cant be good, now oyu need a new love interest to make it spicy! lol
onto the next one
-Alex

Sorry Im soo late, heh. But a review is a review. ^_^
Anyways I liked this chapter, Rane i s a little more than I rmembered and a kick ** chick to boot. Well I'll read the pleothora of chapters I havent read yet when I get back.
So till next time we see each other or next tiem I review,
Alex
PS. And to finally respond to your lovely message in this chapter, I CANT BELIEVE HER EITHER, SHE DIDNT EVEN TELL YOU!!...ahem... Anyways, see you soon =)

Okay, I don't quite hate Cap'n O'Connor anymore. Even the smartest commanders fall for tricks, and the ambush he ran into could have happened to anybody. This is a better chapter for him because it demonstrates inexperience, which is much different from the rampant stupidity he was showing in the previous chapers.

Also, good job on the description of the flight suit. Now you're giving a much clearer picture of what it looks like.

All I can say here is watch your tenses. I think you want the character to be narrating events in real time - present tense - but there was at least one instance were he slipped into past tense.

And Spellcheck isn't perfect. Yours might not be used to the plural form of "crosshair". Technically "crosshairs" is bad grammar, so you'll get a warning, but since the term is perfectly acceptable in normal conversation, you can tell your computer...well, exactly what you told it. Sometimes you just have use your own judgement.

Muahahahahahaha!
I noticed one spelling error - you used barley instead of barely.
That's the only one I caught, but then again, I can't spell at all.
MORE, PLEASE!
Happy New Year!
I WILL BE 15 ON JANUARY 14! GO ME! GO ME! GO ME!

Okay, reality check: How can the English language elude you if English Class isn't hard? Just a thing to make you go "H m m m..."
This chapter was okay, but it was rife with word misusage (you know, like the word "misusage"...). "This thought arose..." should have been something like "This thought gave rise to..." or "This thought triggered...". And if you're caught in someone's "Corsairs" (swords), you're already dead. Peter meant he was in someone's "crosshairs". And um, science nerd nitpick: there's no such thing as "artificially induced inertia" because inertia is a natural side effect to artificially induced acceleration.
Still, at least now you've managed to convey the sense that some big coup might take place, so I'm still hooked. Keep going.

Yeah, well... I'm just a freshman, so I wouldn't know...


You just had to remind me, huh. BLAH!



YOU HAVE TO WRITE MORE! I NEED MORE RANE!

MORE!

MORE!

You frikken rock, dudette...

Man, I'm in such a good mood...

Mashy-potatoes will do that to ya.
M...

Whee! Two chapters! Mind you, I've been gone for ages.

I see Admiral's point about the Captain not being very bright. Unless he's a good guy cos they're often heroically well-meaning idiots (see Neo in 'The Matrix'). He might sort of instinctively know she's on his side, which would explain his behaviour.
Of course, he might also be a badly-paid lackey of the REAL bad guys, in which case he is also entitled to be an idiot. (Two options which would save you re-writing the whole thing ;))

Other than that, the quality of writing in these two was much higher than the last one - much more like what I was getting used to! Well done and keep it up.

PS. If you hyphenate 'be-ringed' then it's a compound word and you can get away with it. I think. It, er, rings a bell. (Sorry, you said you liked corny jokes...)

A sugar high is good. Just remember to taper off so the withdrawal isn't so bad. (Just ride it out, man...)

Okay, this chapter is good overall. Not too many technical gaffes (and I think "bejeweled" is a word. You could use that.) and it cleared up at least one thing that's confusing. That said, I have to disagree about O'Connor. I said last review that he comes across as incompetent, and nothing he did this chapter changes my opinion.

It's not about him being "wimpy". He can be as brave as Beowulf and Thor combined and still be a lousy commander. Take General George Armstrong Custer. I'm sure he would never back down from a fight or hesitate to make a decision, but he's still a guy that tried to outmaneuver 4 0 0 0 Indians by splitting up a couple of hundred cavalry troops. Brave, but incompetent.

O'Connor right now is not even as good a commander as Custer was. From what I've read he might as well just turn the ship over to Rane now and let her sail it back home. That fight shouldn't have ended the way it did. As soon as he had her subdued he should have screamed for security. No banter, no compliments, just hold her down until help comes. Instead, he's making deals to keep her docile! You don't have to know all that much about being a pirate or a privateer to realise there's something really wrong with this picture.

Try this: YOU'RE the Privateer. You pick up a great salvage (the PFC), and a survivor, possibly the pilot. (Don't think of her as "Rane"! She's just the pilot, maybe.) She tries to escape your custody. You put her in the brig. She escapes five times, wounding valuable crew members and doing serious damage to your vessel each time. Keep in mind that every time she does this she degrades your ability to fight enemy ships and complete the mission spelled out in your Letter of Marque. The sixth time she escapes she makes it all the way to your quarters, where all the most sensitive documents--including information about your mission--are most likely kept. You finally manage to subdue her there, but just when you think you have her she knees you in the "nay-nays" and starts interrogating you as if YOU were HER prisoner. Now think hard about this: After all of that would you HONESTLY be standing there trading quips and flirting with her, and then politely offer to tell her everything she wants to know if she'll just be real nice and stop trying to escape, and then TRUST her to keep her promise when she says "yes", even though it's her duty as an Enemy POW to try and get out at the earliest opportunity and do as much damage as she can in the process?

This isn't about "wimpiness." Ever since his character has been introduced O'Connor has demonstrated that he has little or no regard for the efficient operation of his ship, the safety of his crew or his responsibility to his sponsors. From an objective standpoint this man should not be commanding a bathtub, much less a hired combatant vessel. The only reason I can see for him being this incompetent is that you, as the author, are trying to protect your main character, Rane. This is not always a bad thing. Everybody does it at one point or another, but it should only be done when you can make it seem logical in the context of the story and doing so advances the plot. Even then, it should be subtle. O'Connor's lack of command sense, whether you realize it or not, is a BLATANT attempt to make sure Rane survives her captivity. It flies in the face of logic because nobody as stupid as O'Connor seems would ever command his own ship (at least, not for long. He'd be the first to get blown up.), and instead of advancing the plot all it does is give the author the opportunity to show what a cool fighter Rane is.

That's why I said "Don't think of her as 'Rane'" when I told you to put yourself in O'Connor's shoes. No matter how much you try to get into his head, as long as you're more "Rane's Cheerleader" than you are "The Author" O'Connor's going to continue to look like an idiot as long as he holds her, and idiots should be comic relief--not important characters.