wow, very well done! I love it.

Quite surreal, like a scene in a Neil Gaiman film, really. If this is the kind of thing that you put into your NaNo, then it can't be bad at all! The rhyme is nice, rather fitting, and it certainly adds to the imagery. my only complaint, though, is that the surrealism leaves it hard to know what's happening. Fine with me, but in a novel I'm sure that it would be different.
-Yna, from the Review Marathon-- see the link in my profile!

.is it just me, or the imagery this poem conjure is erotic.?