It's a good start! I hope you post more soon!

I noticed a few mistakes there Disturbed, but all in all I enjoyed it. It's kinda short, could be more there, but it works well as a introduction to your new world.



Micheal

This is a good start to the story.. cant wait to read the next chapter.. sounds like this is goin to be an interestin story!

hey!
you're story is doing really good so far. you started and ended your first chapter with a good attention grabber, although it is rather short. i like the way you have made the main character, the plot, the bad guy, all of them are mysterious. i have absolutl NO clue what is going to happen next, and that's awesome. i think that it's goin' really good and i can't wait for the next chapter!
~angelface04