Reviews for My Bloody Amulet - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: My Bloody Amulet - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

Vinson 2007-08-12 ch 6, anon.	abuseSomething of an interlude, but it's acceptable so long as the next chapter has more meat. After four years, these guys haven't gotten very far. I like Riyadh, but I find it hard to understand Valkayar at times. I really don't know where he's coming from at all. You're rewriting the story, which may be helpful - I've forgotten too much and I'm not even sure at this point what his motivation is, if he has any at all. You have an interesting way of ordering words that at times makes a sentence difficult to read. "He eventually was able to fill out a job application after some more wandering." How about, "Eventually he/Valkayar was able...?" Just a thought. Have no fear, you're still my favourite writer by far. The only reason I come to Fictionpress, in fact. Keep up the good work and don't let the strange absence of readers through you off track!
AngryRex 2007-02-15 ch 6,	abuseI'm very happy you decided to continue this. I am very interested in getting to know the characters some more.
Vinson 2006-11-12 ch 5, anon.	abuseAt first I was postively beaming at having the chapter dedicated to me. Never happened to me before, that. In fact I'm still stoked that my second favourite author (take that as a compliment!) actually mentioned my name. Now allow me to regain my composure and review. Everything was going great at first. Immediately I noticed a marked improvement in your writing. There was far more description, and it was done in such an off-handed way to as to blend with the tone of the story and how I feel the character's perceive the world. It's all very clipped, very "grey" seems like a good word for it. The interaction between Valkayar and Riyadh was short, non-commital, completely to the point and with a touch of amusing bitterness. I loved it. Then Riyadh goes to sleep and everything goes wonky. Was there supposed to be a scene cut in there? Because FictionPress is very temperamental about what symbols it allows in uploads. The cut may have been wiped out. Was it a different scene or a flashback? Unfortunately I can't know now. Regardless, the scene was the same as the first. There's a detachment there that one would expect, given the situation. I'm interested to see where these supposedly new characters fit into the mix. You've really done an excellent job with this chapter. You exceeded yourself and what I was expecting, especially since you seemed to be having a hard time with writer's block. So kudos for getting over that. I eagerly await the next update. Whenever you are ready, I will be waiting. Take your time and have fun with it. I'm sure you'll do just as well.
Laughing Cat 2006-11-04 ch 5,	abuseEr... I think that you either left out a part of the chapter or uploaded part of the wrong story. Sorry. =/
Midnights Scream 2006-04-28 ch 4,	abuseI like it, but it's weird seeing Red act a little more human when in previous chapters he was this evil scary freak, but it's good
Vinson 2005-12-05 ch 1, anon.	abuseCome on now, Missus. Nine months and no update. Let's have yer! Give your readers that Christmas update and we'll all be your willing slaves. As if we aren't already.
HellHeartedlyBent 2005-08-14 ch 4,	abuseyour sexy, have my children. i love this, and hurray for updates! finally...god...:P you should really read some of my new stuff, i think youd like it. great chapter, and thats saying alot considering you know i dont like stories too much hehehe. keep it up, and hoping to see some new stuff around. later sunshine
rachel 2005-08-13 ch 4, anon.	abuseextremely interesting. (whispers: may i have more please?)
Vinson 2005-07-29 ch 4, anon.	abuseHmm, more fluff. I remember when I read a chapter in "Remedy" (hey, which I never reviewed! Good for me.) that some readers weren't too happy about the murder scene. I know that a lot of the users on Fictionpress are teenagers and enjoy their daily dose of fluff, but I myself prefer things dark. I don't necessarily need to see Valkayar brutally raping Riyadh or anything, but please don't make this a sop-fest. You've got a fairly good plot goin' on here and there's great potential to make this, well, great! So far I think this has been very good and you need to write s'more soon. I like Riyadh the most. I had a quick looksee at your reviews and Cuppie said it best: "I just really like how he's all sweet on the outside but he has this big scheme on the inside." Please keep that going. An endearing battle for dominance would be great. You're a good writer and I have faith you'll do good things with "My Bloody Amulet". I'll be reading when you next update. Good luck in writing the next installment.
Vinson 2005-07-29 ch 3, anon.	abuseGood that you put in that little note at the bottom. I was wondering all the way through this rather fluffy chapter when that warning in Ch1 was going to come into play. Where's the BDSM and necrophilia? But if you've got a plan, that's cool. A zillion and one stories on this website start out with no idea where they're going. Good that this isn't the same. Anyhoo, not much to say about this chapter. Riyadh's POV is far more interesting than Valkayar and I'm still hoping that has more to do with Valkayar hiding something. Let's hope that blade isn't just a nail-file. I like the way you write dialogue. I probably mentioned last time about it being natural and not forced, but my only grief is that the description that goes along with it is too brief. Some times stopping mid-sentence in dialogue to deliver a "Valkayar picked his nose before continuing" or "Riyadh farted and looked away, embarrassed" can really add a lot to a sentence. But this is your writing style, so hey. Shutting up now.
Vinson 2005-07-26 ch 2, anon.	abuseObvious that Riyadh wasn't going to be the cutesy-wutesy type of slave but this level of shrewdness is a breath of fresh air. I sincerely hope it's not going to deteriorate into a sop-fest though. I'm personally hanging out for Valkayar to be far more sinister, cruel, and nasty than Riyadh thinks and we see some battle for dominance going on. But, then again, YOU are the writer and I'm sure you've got something up your sleeve I won't see coming. Though the pace of the story is slow and melancholy it isn't boring. I just like chapter's to have a point to them and not just be filler-ins. But it's all good so far. No big problems with spelling and grammar like 90% of Fictionpress writers. Good going. Are you another Playstation 2 maniac, I wonder? I can't stand those things. Rots the brain. Maybe that's why Riyadh thinks Valkayar is so naive and stupid. Ah, sorry, don't mean to clog your review page with witless prattle. I'll return to this story next time I get online. Please keep writing. You're quite probably the best writer on this damn website. Seriously.
Vinson 2005-07-25 ch 1, anon.	abuse#laughs# You enjoyed writing that didn't you? I think a lot of enjoyment went in to those last few paragraphs. I've read a bit of your other stuff and it seems like at times you either don't know what you're doing or don't enjoy it. It's not often but it's there nonetheless. THIS little starting chapter seemed a lot more fluent and... yeah, enjoyable. The energy a writer puts into a story is what makes it a truly good read. So this is a good start so far. I like the description. Simple but effective. It's a little more on the dark side of the force like your other stories and I prefer that. The dialogue was smooth and not at all artificial. And I already like Riyadh. Who couldn't with his looks and pliant flattery? The only bother I have is with that sudden car crash... where did that come from? Too abrupt but that's just nitpicking. Hope any of this babble is useful or something. And here's hoping the next chapter is just as promising.
ChocolateSugar 2005-05-31 ch 4,	abuseYour story is kind of dark. It's good though.
Nightmare Wolf 2005-04-04 ch 4,	abuse-=grins=- I actually wasn't reading this story 'afore, but I think I will now. I like it.
maho_shojo 2005-04-02 ch 4, anon.	abuseinteresting story... so Valkayar falls in love with Riyadh?? and Riy takes advantage of that...? hm.. i find this story, strangely compelling... but i think thats a good thing. I look forward to another chapter of My Bloody Amulet.

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