First two sentences begin with "Sarel," which gets repetative and slightly annoying. Also, in that first sentence, you use varations of the word "light" twice (lit and light). Maybe check out a thesauraus on other words?
Yay Ayos! *anime dance* Love the part where he trips over Sarel - funny, funny. Also clearly displays that even in the middle of the night (uh, night? Day? Space! *blinks*) he's completely ready. However, I'm a bit surprised that neither of them is keeping watch... otherwise, what would happen if the same thing happened that, well, did happen in the end happens in the middle of the night? Um... to clarify: if there was a lookout, then wouldn't it be safer in case of military? ^^ Sorry, was having issues figuring out what I wanted to say.
Anyway, nicely done! Good work, I look forward to reading more!

((Er... this is former Kiayla. Yeah. ^^))
Very nice! Sorry it took me so long to come and read, but I've been busy and school's been out to kill me. *sigh* Oh well.
Nice storyline so far, here... I love the character developement of all Sarel, the waitress, and the guy (well, character creation, not that the latter two developed a lot. Or something.).
I've noticed that you tend to begin sentences with "she" a lot, which you may want to change... one trick I use is beginning with verbs, that, uh, can't remember the word, but have the suffix -ing, you know what I'm talking about? Also, maybe a bit more description would be nice.
Good job on the storyline, it's very involving. I love it! Keep writing!

Wow, really good! I like it, it's progressed well. Please continue writing!!
~*~Kiayla~*~

Uh-oh... Great chapter. There were some parts that seemed too wordy, but overall, I liked this. Yeah, I've changed my opinion, I think you oughta put the other three stories as prologues. ^.^ Sorry it took me so long to review, I've been way busy.

Anywaysways, great chapter. I love the reactions to Sarel... highly amusing. Great job, please continue!
~Toireasa

I review this chapter yet? No? Well I read it ^_^ Yay! You wrote stuffs...they're getting drawn into a mystery ::cough:: pirate ship! With the shadow-y things! Yay! More soon please 'cause it's good and I like it ^_^

oh, a cliffy!! Awesome!! i love your plot so far, it's so original! Hence it being on FPN, lol! And a great job on the descriptions too! Please keep it up! I love it so far!

~*~The Goddess of Night~*~

Oh my goodness! This is so good. Please hurry and get the next chapter out.

YAY! I love this too! Write more son ^^

Hmm. That was an interesting twist, with having the ship she got on be not law-abiding, but a pirate ship. I wonder what's going to happen.
MM. Nothing really else to say, I guess; sorry about how I can't offer anything useful in response to the Shadowstorm review you left me. I feel inadequate. ^_^

Oh, nice chapter! I had no idea this had been updated! Woo! Anyway, getting more interesting now. Ack, I'm intrigued to read more. They're being drawn in and I want to know what's going to happen. Will they live? Will they die? Yah!

Lol, ignore me rambling like that. Overall it's a nice chapter. Got good grammar and everything and I look forward to all the other chapters in tow. Keep it up.

~CT

^_^ MM Back.

Ice

Good chapter! Can't wait to see what happens next!

Hi again! Wow, this is really good. I like this story so far... very myserious. I think I'm going to love it! (In fact, I know I will, but that's not the point.) Please continue! I wait with baited breath!
~*~Kiayla~*~
PS Not sure, but I think that you don't need after paragraphs to make them... paragraph. Could be wrong, though.

YAY! First chapter!
I think you should make the short stories chapters, like one lone prolouge, but you don't have to. I was just stating my opinion. ^_^ I REALLY liked it. Sounds like she's anthro. bye

Whoa... What's up with Sarel? I haven't read those 3 thingys I was supposed to. Your story is pretty good, I found only 1 grammar mistake- and that is just plain amazing! Please check out my stories, 2986 Escape and Serenity Keeper. Escape is SciFi and Serenity is Fantasy. Hope you like them!

-Bakedo no Hikage