Oh! I like this one! It really seems to speak to me! Reminds me of my own life in a way. I don't have a clue where I'm going in life at all, though I really wish I did! I personally think the way the lines are broken up and the way it's written is the way it should be, with what it's all about and everything. Anyway, awesome poem! Love it lots!(it's on my fav list now!)

hey, i can relate to this poem. you did good!

sasha

the rhyme scheme is a little sing-songy; couplets get annoying after constant repetition. also, your lines sound tortured into the right position for rhyming, and they make the couplet format get even more trite. the topic's a bit done-out as well. try writing in a way that comes naturally to you, not this convoluted structure. or, if you like the idea of formal poetry, try a sonnet.

Lovely piece you have here. It's very different from what I'm used to reading. I like it though. Excellent!

~Cirien Phoenix of the Eternal Phlame

this way a good piece of work keep it up :)Ciao Take Care Deeralo

I think this poem is really cute. (cute is good i use it alot) Anyways, keep writing poetry, it can only get better! Have fun!

That's a really cool piece of poetry there. Very interesting. I really liked your way of verse.
Good job!

~Spellcaster~-Devil Red-

i like it you have some talent just keep writing

peace

freedomhowler