Again, almost suicidal, but beautiful. Maybe try restucturing some of your lines to make them longer for this, but as is it does have a nice hard quick beat to it. But some of your lines end in weird spots, that would be the only thing I'd fix here. Good vocab, good structure, it all works, but some tweeking would prove invaluable.


Micheal

That's a very good poem! I like the message at the end, it's something some people need to be reminded about. Take care!