OOh, cool! I just found this again...I haven't been to fictionpress in a while, and I figured it was about time I checked up on things. I'd completely forgotten about this story, but now I'm glad I've come back! Actually, I noticed that I was on your favorites list, then that I was mentioned in your bio, and thought "what the heck? I don't remember this person..." So I found the story of yours that I'd read, and remembered..."oh, yeah, this was good." And now it's been updated! Although, only one chapter. I hope you haven't abandoned it...I'd like it to continue, now that I've found it again! I promise I won't forget about it again, as long as you promise to keep writing on it! But I know how things go with abandoned stories...sometimes it's hard to pick up the thread again.

So, good luck with this and your other stories! I'll have to see what else you've written!

And thanks for mentioning me so many times! It makes me feel very special...lol.

becca, another awesome one, i love you

becca, you are missing some onfo in between the last two chappys. Where did her bro. go?

becca, is Brie a girl or boy silly head?

Wow! That was great! Write more now! Umm...I mean PLEASE!

uh! I hate cliffhangers! Write more now! Please!

it was like ~elapsed time~ ya know?

Hey bex loved your story but howd the main character (couldent remember the name) get form her bro's car to the ship? just a question seeya
Lise

Okay, cool...sorry I didn't read all the way thru before telling you what was wrong w/it. I really like this story--and I think you're pretty good at intros. I'm waiting to read more!

This is good! A few notes...does the sun really set at 9:41 PM? Also, at one point you say she has brown hair, when Moody is describing Trei, but later, she has raven black hair, like Hawke. Which is it?
I think that was all I found wrong with it...and I really like the story! Keep writing!!

whoa. i definately like this story. and there isn't really anything i can think of that is bad about it. grammar looks good, spelling is fine. the way you tell the story is great as well. good background the character i'm sure some people can connect with even if they haven't grown in similar situations. and i think the fact that the character is so young but going through so much also adds to the whole feeling. keep writing i want to read more.