The way you have this introduction laid out works well. It begins at a logical place and ends at a logical place and with a question. Laethriel inspired sympathy from just this short of a passage--he's a good character. Two suggestions: proofread, I'm the high Priestess of Typos and bad grammar myself, reading the work outloud helps a lot. And some of Macha's dialouge sounds more like a dusty old scholar than a kid.

You should continue this...It's very emotional, and well described. However, I think that Laethriel's death was a little drawn out, and didn't have the urgency that a dying man would have: he wouldn't know how much time he'd have to say goodbye to his daughter in. Other than that, I think that it's very good.

This is a sad-but great and interesting beginning. *grabs a kleenex and blows nose* Poor Leathriel!(sp?) Update soon 'cuase I'm really excited to read what happens to the girl. I need to know, so come on, share it with the world!
~Justine

Pretty good. Off to a good start. Hope to see more soon. Keep writing.

It's so good! As it stands, it works as a great one shot to think about, but I think you should make it into something bigger, it looks like somethimg that could turn out big. ^^