Very nice work. This is very interesting. Great rhyme scheme, and I love the ending. Well done.

Wow, kinda dark. Gives me the heevy jeevis but ya know its all good. Can't wait to read more!

The only things that I can see that are wrong with the spelling is 'blise', which should be 'bliss', and 'agian', which should be 'again'. (Transposing letters is one of the easiest mistakes to make when typing.)

It looks a lot better, since you have changed some of the words. Good job. ^_^

Hey nice job, Darc! It came out good, keep it up. The descrition is really cool and it's got an eerie feel to it. All-in-all, really cool!

~ Ezz