are you going to write an epilogue? but nice story though

Pretty good, a little rushed in some parts that shouldn't but still quite good.

hey I got this far, but the many grammer and spelling errors were extremely irritating and takes away from the quality of your work. This story is very interesting so far, and I wanted to read more, but I'm just so turned off by the mistakes, so i seriously suggest that you do some editing.

Cool story!

wow this is really good. update your other story soon?

love this story... i read them a bit out of order though haha

Aw. That was perfect. They really are great for each other. And no it wasn't sudden at all. I liked the flow of the story. Keep up the good work.

its just so GOOD =) no wonder it was in the award section =)-X0X-

Keysha. your a great writer =)=)=D

even though this happened.. like about nathan... i had always liked ben better.. he just seems so great annd.. reallyy HOT! =)AHAHAHAHAAH ii almost peed in my pant when you said he was doing the sprinkler move and ALMOST KNOCKED OVER LAURAahahahahahaahahahahahahahhahahaah *falls down face first because she was laughfin so hard... feels kind of awkward in doggy style position* AHAHAHH any whoo LOVE TH STORRYY! ITS KILLER =)

-x0x- Keysha.

o0o0o0o mannthis story is soo good!! i love it...hmm can't wait till i read the sequel! GOOD JOB ON THIS!! kudos!

For some reason, this story just doesnt catch me as much as Romeo and Julia revisited. That story is just incredibly INCREDIBLE!! teeheheh...i think its that hate that could evolve into love...but the writing in romeo and juliet revistited is just so mature...the characters...the plot...ITS JUST GREAT! i cant wait for u to update romeo and juliet revisited. if you do. which i would absolutely 37492374392742384732847 love you for. bye hunn.

This story was beautiful. : ) I was just about to read 'Whenever it rains' but then i realized i should read the stories before it first. a long read with short chapters...but it was good. i loved it. you make the story so aussie. haha. not that it's a bad thing. it's good to read a story from an oz writer on this site. kudos to vegimite! haha. take care

Well, it definitely got better, but I have to admit the mix of Britisms and Americanisms stayed pretty annoying throughout the whole thing.

I liked the plot and I eventually grew to care about Hailey, although it wasn't the most sympathetic portrayal of her. Mostly, I would recommend working on mechanics and sentence flow. And definitely keep writing, although I doubt you'd let some random reviewer on fictionpress discourage you from doing so.

A few more problems I noticed: mixed up tenses, confused homonyms, loss of capitol letters here and there, way too many terse sentences, and even some fragments.

I would suggest taking a writing class, because you obviously have good ideas and know how to fit them together, you just need critical feedback. Not that I'm volunteering, but a beta would really help your fiction.

The 'it's the 3rd chapter and I'm just now introducing myself' thing wasn't cute or funny, it was annoying. And your sentences, structure, and the flow of your thoughts still need a lot of work.