Nice, though I'd rethink some of the wording a little.

o, nice effect, dearheart.

Again, good, but your type-size sucks! Fix it!

And write more damn ye. I'm none too happy having to come here to read yer latest works...(grumble)

I like the writing style. Maybe you meant for it to be like this, but maybe I'm just to clueless to understand where this is going either.

ho that's neat...i have NO clue where this is going. or perhaps i'm just too slow to figure it out. but it SHOULD go somewhere! but this is so cool! you could take this many places. including the cliffs of insanity. i have to go evil parental units returning bye.