i really like the idea that you are going for hear... i just think you need more detail surounding your conversations... thats all this peice really is, and maybe you could describe a little bit of what is going on in her head... do you know what i mean?

Good start. 1st person present is confusing. I can't wait for the rest.

hiya! loved ur story been waiting for the last 6 weeks 4 u to update