That was awesome! Keep writing, I'll be looking for chapter eight!

p.s. could you review my story Keeper of the Pendant?

Thanx!gabriellafaith

Ive been waiting for that update for ages. Pretty good. i like the progression, it's keeping me interested-Keith Andrew

I like the story so far!

The thing that first stood out in the first paragraph is that you have very choppy sentences. Combine some of them with a comma (along with one of the following words: and, but, however, though, although, and then...etc.) or add a semicolon so you have a better flow.

Howdy. Two little things first...

“But my mother left.” Kota looked worriedly at him. “What if she holds that against me?” -- I'm not sure how old Dakota is, but this reaction seems a little childish, as if she might be about ten. Just struck me as a little odd, so I wanted to point that out.

“Of course, Grandmother Lois,” Dirk called backed. -- "backed" should be "back".

I like how more magic is being worked into the story.

I don't remember if you did this in earlier chapters, since it's been a while since you've updated, but it was strange to suddenly get Dirk's POV. I'd suggest, if you want to keep the conversation and such as part of your plot development, to have it be something that Dakota hears, for example. The switch in POVs was slightly off-putting.

And I'm rather curious about what's going on with the scary roaring... thing :)

You do a very good job at hiding sudden transitions in the setting and other small details that would be left out in the open by most other writers on fictionpress. And I like that you named the main character after a state. (or is it because that's a native american word as well?)

I did notice, though, that Dakota accepted the directions on the letter like she was expecting it. Is it that she undertands that she has to do that stuff, or did you do that by accident?

pretty good. Nice descriptions of the forest and the characters are coming along nicely as well, pretty enjoyable-Keith Andrew

Hey this was alot better, not that the others wern't good. The pace slowed here a bit and we get to see more personality. I really liked it-Keith Andrew

Very nicely done. It still tends to go rather fast at times but despite this, the characters seem to be developing well and the storyline is attractive as well. -Keith Andrew

Hey cool I like the development of the characters. Dakota's coming along nicely. Again maybe some more description. Things seem to be moving rather fast at times.Very good though-Keith Andrew

Hey rather nice, although a little more description in certain places wouldn't go amiss. And try to be careful over describing small details. Good though-Keith Andrew

This is really good. Hmm...a nice fresh piece of fantasy. Yay, i'm so excited-Keith Andrew

good job, i cant wait to hear about her dreams.

Cool, cool.

~waves~ starters letting you know I read your hello in Era and came over to do a bit of reading of one of my fellow players. ~sulks~ I only got through chapter 3 though, but I'm eventually going to read it all. It's nice so far. Though I'll agree with many of the other reviewers that you might want some more descriptions and flesh to the story itself, just to give it a sparkling of something great. The idea for it is great alreay, just needs a little more help behind it. Also, you might want to be careful on the (grammatical term escapes me now!) descriptions connects to your quotations. (example: “You reminded me of my sister. Marina has the same innocent look, but she knows how to fight.” Kota flushed with embarrassment.) I know those are two seperate characters. Dirk is speaking, and Kota reacting, but since they are found side by side, if a reader isn't paying attention, that will break he flow of the reading, causing confusing as to whom is really speaking when. But this can be easily remedied with fleshing things out. Just wanted to point it out for future reference.
-Ember