Hey girl.

The cooking part was cute, however, you should NEVER use water to put out a "kitchen" fire, something Jeramy ought to know. Preferrably you'd use baking soda or some other way to smother it. You can really burn yourself with the water.

I didn't take Enoch for a jokester, but really I think that it makes sense.

One thing about the dialogue, I think that in a few places when you'd start a long back and forth you forgot to tell us who had started it off. It was a bit confusing in one place.

Anyway, it was great talking to you yesterday and I'm sorry I had to cut it short. I had a meeting after dinner and two tests today (History and Chemistry).

So, one question about your (our?) story, how do you want religion to play in? Do you want there to be a kind of pagan semi-hero worship of government and elements or do you want a kind of omniscient and omnipotent presence generally accepted? Pharoahs in Egypt or the "Intelligent Design" bit the scientists are starting to grudgingly admit they might accept?

Okay, love ya girl, keep in touch,Katy

By the way, can you come to Beaumont?

Now don't think for a minute that I don't appreciate the plug, but I think you're not doing justice to your story.
I'm still reading because I heartily enjoy it. Hope you get more readers, and not just because that would mean some of them might check out some of my old stuff.
Personally, I'm more impressed with your original world - surprising and enchanting and interesting - than my borrowed fairy tales.
When are you coming to Beaumont, by the way? I want to make sure I don't do something stupid like be out of town when that happens.
Katy

Great chapter, though the Spiritual Realm sequence was unusually short and almost non-descriptive. Don't get lazy on those sections now!
Great otherwise, new chapters coming? YAY!
Katy

Great story, great chapter. What's coming next? Hint hint hint!
Of course, you can tell me if you stop by... HINT HINT HINT!
Anyway, that was a great chapter, though I've very confused and hope you will explain what all that means. Will she tell Jeramy?
Okay, well, I'll stop with the "hint hint hint"s and let you write your own story. (Fast, triple hint).
Katy

Hey I like this story but i think it needs some editing, there are places that need fleshing out too.

So, nice job, it's about time considering you're in the editting stage, eh? Oh well, great work so far. Keep it up? And I haven't heard from you in awhile. How's it going?
Katy

Hey, sorry it took me so long to get started with this. I've been very busy, but that's not really a good excuse. I mean, we're all always busy. I haven't even read it yet, but I am printing it out so I can read it now. Just wanted to let you know.
-Karima

Nice chapter, intriguing. . .
Sorry I haven't been about to review sooner, my computer's been down all month. And I still can't get my email to work properly so I was pretty much incommunicado for awhile.
Anyway, great chapter. I gotta find some way to talk to you in the meantime. Sigh.
Katy

English teachers or not, we still like to see some effort put into your grammar and spelling. tsk tsk tsk. lol. Okay, there were a few irritating mistakes in that realm, but you already knew that, so...
Nice chapter! Erm, it was a bit confusing. You have a habit of writing the way you think, and people don't always think...clearly. (lol, that's not at all what I meant!) What I mean is, sometimes you expect us to understand what's going on, but things aren't exactly clear. To us. Just, in general. Thought I'd mention it. Blah, I'm so incoherant today.
Ahem...HERMES IS BACK! *leaps for joy* YAY! I'm tres glad to see that. He's such a fantabulous character, while Jeramy is ~so~ mundane. *pouts* I like Hermes better. I wish there'd been more dialogue. Hermes gets some great dialogue going.
Anyhoo, thanks for R&Ring my story! It means a ton to me, as I'm sure you know, being a fellow author. Thankyou thankyou thankyou!
Update Soon!
~May

OOh, I like a lot. It really is a great addition to the story. And who doesn't love Hermes!?

Well, overall, I think your story is great. I'm not telling you you are J.R.R. Tolkien, but it is good. The only suggestion I really have concerns a few spelling and gramatical errors. Otherwise, a well though and crafted story! I look forward to further chapters.

Ally! This first chapter is great! It's sucked me in! The dark shadow is soo creepy...I'm sorry this is short, I'm not an expert at reviewing. Maybe I'll be better next chapter. But so far, I'm glued!

It is a great pleasure for me to find this delightful little tale that you have so wonderfully constructed. You are undoubtedly a very talented writer and I look for to the next chapter of this exciting story. Keep up the good work!

Hey Allison! This is awesome! I really like it! For constructive criticism, you probably have already heard most of it, but... um... your comma use is good, something not many people seem to use well these days (at least in my experiences up here... um... some spelling stuff, but nothing so major that it was a big deal, and most was even so minor that nobody would notice it... anyways, it's awesome, good job!

"The light from the low sun was filtering through the window, turning the blue walls’ red." What's up with the random apostrophe? It's not needed.
"For a second, Mya had believed she had been taken back at that terrible red planet of war." I think this should say "For a second, Mya believed she had been taken back to that terrible red planet of war." You also might want to describe that part better. It's sort of awkward.
Erm...damn, I'm too tired to help you out tonight. There are many spelling and grammatical errors in this chapter, but I really don't have time to point htem out. I think you should get a beta reader.
Anyhoo...you're bringing Hermes back in the chapter after next, aren't you? I hope so! You mentioned him in this chapter, which to me seemed like your way of reminding the reader that he's still part of the story. *crosses fingers*
Update Soon!
~May