I liked the style you used for the first chap- i don't see how it's annoying. It doesn't sound like an essay to me. Keep it up and update soon!
~missy~

This is really good and very interesting. I have a prediction as to waht's gonna happen next so i'm gonna see if I'm right

Pretty good. :) I like it. The style's cool; I don't know what your friends found annoying. Well, keep it up!

Hm... I really really like this. It was twisted in an odd way... Very good.

I reviewed. Too bad =P;! Tis so weird/angsty/wonderful~! Continue :D!