This is great man, keep it up. I do have a few suggestions though:
-Your sentences are a bit akward sometimes...you repeat the same words too close together
-Also, try and omit some needless things you say...like "cause the truck won't fit in the garage". You could jus omit that sentence and it would work jsut as well if not better.
Other than that, I love the way you do the dialogue and parts of the story are great, its just the most recent chapter seems to drag on a bit...keep 'em short, they're more interesting that way.
cya around man...peace

dude, that was sick, i loved it, keep it up man and you'll turn into something great... catch ya on the flipside!

Yes, Ryan, I know what flames are. When I said "if they are helpful, flames are fine," what do you think I mean? Are flames ever helpful? Then when will I be happy about flames? Never...

Anyway, that's what I was getting at. But now I've changed my mind, so all you sadists out there, flame away! I actually think it's kinda funny...hehe.

Jullian...Big Brian here. I always knewyou had a special talent, but this is remarkable. The story sounds as if it was written by Stephen King or Mary Evonovich. I really enjoyed reading all of your wonderful pieces of work. You're a good athlete, a super friend, and a truly superb author. Keep it up "Big Jewls"

Shee-it! I LOVE it, dude! Well, some parts are a bit predictable and others seem a little forced, but the rest of the story more than makes up for it. Yeah, Leo and Lance, you guys are screaming bad **!

Here's my take on this story so far. You've got a cool idea here, but a reader who just reads it for the fun of it may think it is a shallow and enjoyable romp with guns, drugs, and cynical wit. I have to say I agree with that.

However, I noticed that this story has some deeper meanings as well. Quite a few times discreet allusions to the bible pop up, and I want to talk you about them. Also, the whole story so far kind of reminds me of the passing of a day, as if this guy Lane's journey is a big metaphor for the ups and downs of everyone's life. I really want to see more of this "more than skin-deep" style of writing you have, so keep it up and keep me interested!

Yo, Check it. This story rules! Keep writing, dude. You've got a gift so priceless that it would take a million years for me to catch up with your skills. Keep it going or ILL finish it for you. (just kidding)

Peace Buddy,
Stuart

ya kus awesome story!! U rock

good literay tools used here, though id recomend anomanpoia to help spice it up a little. otherwise solid performance

good cliff-hanger there at the end, i cant wait to keep digging in

very nice writing, i enjoyed reading as well as learning

good chapter... short i guess but not bad

WOW! this story is pretty damn sweet. and very well written... this kid must be a ** genious!

good job!

this is great wow congratulations