That was great, raven. But A little hard to understand, maybe. I wouldn't be able to write that kind of stuff in a millions years. :)

SAY WHAT? its cool but what?

i think that this is grate you shouldkeep on writing for the people like me who have no creativity at all. i love it!

whoah...this is pretty creepy...no, very creepy. its good tho...dont bite me...

First of all, this is a really well-done piece. I enjoyed reading it. However, there are two things you may want to do.

First of all, you have some slight cussing that should jump the rating to at least PG. Secondly, I think that the catogory should be changed to Fantasy or Angst or even General.

I really enjoyed it, well, all except for the cussing.

Good plot for a story i'd say.. a bit randomly jumbled though. Perhaps make your sentences longer...