Very nice. The imagery and the symbolism-root beer especially-are superb. And I love the old car theme; it made me think of Grease, and also "Passenger" (random pop culture polar opposites) although in tone it falls somewhere between the two. The emotion is well-described too, the memories and the sacrifices ("tired-mad-hungry")-speeding through time with him in a mind focused only on spinning tires and root beer.

*grins* your wordplay is DEFINITELY back.

interesting choice of imagery, the chapstick, '88 chevy. i like the word play in the title. the root beer is one of your idiosyncracies, a reference those who are not familiar with you would be oblivious. also, the car ride reminds me of some really good times ive had (fuck you, im all nostalgic now) also it was deftones-esque (passenger?) which has a plesant reaction for me. i like the explosive sensory perspective - vivid emotionally with an oddly mechanical narration (the mention of shakespeare seemed that way to me) gave an intriguing pathotic feel to it; pre-figured violence, calculational clock-work, the rhythym of turmoil, i like it. second stanza seems to be role reversal, the subkect becomes more cold and the narrator more human, very selectivly descriptive about the details (avoiding the steinbeck styled paragraph after paragraph of mind-numbing sensory detail until the reader goes into an insulin-shock type state...ok blabbering ignore that). i like the tierd-hungry-mad, some reason it reminded me of soad lyrics. out of curiosity is there any significance to the five days?

my god, that's depressing. but in a good way, you know. like waking up when you haven't brushed your teeth, stale sugary aftertaste of last night's junk food and soda in your mouth. love the last stanza.

You always have wordplay. Mo(wha?).

I don't know why, but reminded me of 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' and 'The Great Gatsby.' My mind is running wild.

Nevertheless, poems still sound/feel professional.

Not being one for cars (Unless it's an RX-8 or a veritable tank), I can't discuss the first topic. Root beer, is a favorite, and er...love? Haven't seen much of that bullshit in years. Not anything REAL in my eyes.

Anyways, onto the crazy bastard's review:

That title is an evil tongue twister that I could never tackle on any day that I'm normal or coked to hell. The number five in "five days" should mean something, but I can't think of much. "Leaving/an ugly stain..." seems kinda boring, not very active. Monotonous. Should at least be something more like "impressing/an ugly stain" or something. MORE ACTIVE VERBS! Again, I'm a proponent of the capitalization of the first word in each line. Maybe "my memory" could be just "memory" after a colon? I dunno..perhaps.

Contrasts between club soda, water and root beer as a gauge of romanticism just exclaims convolution and the whole crazy philosophy of "being in love" as I see it. It's all crap to me, and that's the same thing. A gauge on drink-spilling? Not like you judge it based off that, just saying that it is a satire I guess.

HA! Shakespeare is a punk, needs to be raised from the dead so I could shoot him. Sorta like Elvis.

"tired-mad-hungry" like that repetive action. Reptition is typically good, especially when it seems weird. And that seems weird, possibly the dashes could be the cause. Repetition of stains as well.

Last stanza...it just seems flat. Hmm..you COULD have done something with spilling or some action of that sort: how the memories spilled out as the root beer dried up?

God, I've already said how much I love this...cars and rootbeer, gah! I am so glad you are writing again, this is insanely beautiful

I've missed you and your poetry so much ! *glomps you enthusiastically* Welcome back!

"and I would, just to hear

the fizz of that root beer

mingle with the crickets

and drive off into the night with you."

Lovely lovely. The last stanza is so sad. The part about Shakespeare laughing at such a spectacle really jumped out at me; also the part about chapstick on the root beer bottles. Great wordplay in the title.

Keep writing! Peace

Hey, this is cool. I like how you told a story with it. It's great!

Keep writing

ionlyliveindreams

Well your right you did get your wordplay back and everything else is ok. I dont see much wrong so keep up good work.