I think you did farely well with this story. You were saying it wasn't one of your best, but don't kid yourself. This is an impressive title from you.

O…..great beginning

That was a good short story. I liked it!! no...I loved it! Write another story for me to read soon! By the way, Amnesia's Curse was taken off, but I put it back up with lots of changes, so I would love it if you read it. Thanks!!
peaches and cream,
verdie

don't sell yourself short i thought this was a great story

This is making me hate you because you are leaving me in SUSPENSE! AH! Oh well. That was a good short chapter. There's nothing wrong with short chapters. Just to let you know, Amnesia's Curse is no longer up. Sorry. well, ta ta.
peaches and cream,
verdie

I would suggest a re-write, this isn't a story. The grammar is terribly written, spelling is good. Anyways, it has a good plot just needs some major work upon the writing style.

Ploting darkness against the world... No room for error or mistake... No room to fail... No way to fail... It is ready... Bring it out and destroy... All... With... It's... power!

*giant can of caffine comes out witha UPS guy with a clip board* Uh... Where do you want this?

Set it on the floor thank you.

*wiry look* Right... Sure whatever... Uh... can you sign here?

*signs*

Thanks. *walks out*


(Can you see the bordom here)
(Can you smell it radiating of the words and time put into this review)
(Yes, Good) (No, Bad)
(See you Later... I must plot demise)

Time for step two...

You have description all the time in your chapters and they don't seem to vanish. I like it and I don't think you will ever run out of it! Keep it up. Oh, and to a note for Amnesia's Curse. Remaliah is Ireland, Hibikima is Romania, and Orihah is England. I have to fix that. I changed the name of the countries mid-way so there's my warning.

peaches and cream,
Verdie

me like...i will read the next chap

Marian: Um...thanks...there isn’t much else to say.

WHAT IS THIS?!!?

I feel so rejected... *sniff*
Oh, well I'll get u back at soccer try-outs!

MB

I understand! WOW! hehehehehehe...

Keep it up!

mB


:) P) ;)

good job so far
maybe u should make it a little longer and more descriptive
other than that it is good

hm...very interesting...I want more. This is turning out into a very good story. Keep it up.
peaches and cream,
Verdie
ps could you read Amnesia's Curse?

Opinions? Here's mine...


WRITE MORE!

Kittys...


Hey Katt Boy's soccer is at state and in the final 4 ...cool huh?

And one more thing...


NO SCHOOL!

See you friday!

MB

I know the everything sounds horrible feeling. .. You must write more! I ned to hear more about Tara. . . she's a cool character. So write more about the nekos soon, 'mkay?