what this sketch needs is a li'l good ol' editing.
you write with a lot of adverbs and adverb clauses, which is great for active writing. you might want to keep it in check, though, because adverbs tend to jump from subject to subject, and the main topic gets lost in the fray. in other words, you go into so much detail about what has happened or may happen to the character, the reader forgets the first line by the end, and won't have much of a perspective for the character's present situation.
the key to adverbs is to keep them from running away on ya. it gets easier with practice, don't worry ;)

Hm. It's good, intriguing, but not the *best* of your work. That I've read anyway. No offense meant, though. This just had grammar and spelling errors in it, and your other ones (that I've read) did not have any noticable mistakes, to me anyway.

By the way, I make tons of grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, and typos in my stories, so I shouldn't be one to talk.

Megan the moonlitdemon

Interesting. Nice use of mythology too (is liking mythology :D). Metaphors make my head spin, so I'm not so great a spotting them, but there were probably some in there and I cangratulate them on their usage. nice work.

Very nice. Yes morbid but who am I to talk. ^.^; I like the way you made Loki a woman (he is usually portrayed as a man) and how you brought all the themes together. Oh and thanx for tellnig me abotu the contest!

Well I am off. Cya around. *who knows when I'll show up to club heh*

Alex (M.P.)

All things holy in my sock drawer! I like this so far, although it's a mite confusing...wonderful metaphors! >winged one<
p.s. i forgot to tell kyalia, so my story for her challenge is called Tears of Glass

Umm...okay...that was a little morbid and slightly confusing...but still kinda interesing

Wow, you certainly brought all the themes together! Pretty sad stuff, but some really good imagery in there. I liked it!

~He Who Walks On All Fours

Alright, it is. And don't forget to review the other's entries-- you're the secong up. (Metero Paradox was the first). On the work: I like it, especially the images/metaphors. Good work.