...not sure I know what the second chapter is all about. Not sure I want to know. But anyway...

You started this chapter out with some promising imagery, which gave a good idea of what you would hear/see/feel if you were dying. But then it got, well, not-so-good.

I like the idea of her wondering if she jumped or was pushed off, because it's unique and unusual, but why does she forget everything else and then wonder why she has forgotten to breathe?

If she is being taken to hell, why is she floating up? She shouldn't feel anything physical in this scene, because as you said, she left her body on the pavement. She could not truly "struggle" against the forces pulling her.

And the way you set up her thoughts was a little bit funny. It would have worked better as: "Where am I being taken? she thought to herself." I'm sorry, it's one of my pet peeves, the whole thoughts in story thing. But anyway, I think if she were truly dying, her thoughts would be a lot more panicked than you had them as.

I'm not saying by any means that this story is bad. It started out interesting enough, anyway, and I've only seen one chapter so far. But I'm sayinv there are things you could work on, if you ever return to this site.

tch, ure so so so silly allyfag
if u want me to teach you how to put all your chapters into one story ask me
u have my numba

It looks like you don't know how to make chapter. I can help. E-mail me and I'll help you make chapters . O and this is a good story.
-Destin Scar