hey not bad! i like it! i will read more now :)

wow. again, amazing! you're really good at writing. absolutely loved the imagery, very realistic.

hm... I'll start with the bits that I don't like (very few).

"vile bramble"... the words vile and bramble don't really seem to work with each other. Maybe just my opinion.

"the raw blood of dead"... forced in to rhyme with red, I think.

"the strife"... strife is a much overused word on here... everyone seems to be tossing it into their poems.

Anyway, those were just the bits that I thought didn't work. Overall, I really liked it, it was well thought out.


Mia :)