man that was some good writing! and you were right, it did kind of feel like an RPG story...a really good RPG story though.

but dam you, stopped the story as he woke up, now i'll have to imagine it :p

can't wait for Shadow Claw 2 (hope that ain't gonna be the official title, or you will have to come up with a damn good reason for him to return... or say it's a prequil :p)

nice, i like it! I'll keep reading it!

And so Camus's search ends with a happy note. Rapheon is revived! It's nice to see what happened to our dear characters after that fateful battle. It gives a sense of finality to the story.One thing though... why couldn't you let Raph say something at the end?Aside from that, good story. Will be awaiting SC2!

Aw what a sweet end it almost made me cry... "sniff" so beautiful.

Oh and about that character, I already have another one that I'm gonna use in my story so this one is yours to keep ;=) Just gimme some credit if your gonna use him k?

Name: Asha Ken'dullAge: 18Gender: Male

Hair: Purple with green lines spread randomly through it, spiky/messy hairstyle.

Eyes: Purple but when the sun shines on them small specks of gold can be seen. When angred the eyes turn dark green with red specks.

Clothing: Forest green leather armor and boots (the armor covers the entire body but it is enchanted so it's not restricting any movements), a hooded cloack with a few arcane symbols on it (in silver)

Weapons of choice: Two Katanas (the off-hand one is slightly shorter than the other)The off-hand Katana has a dark green blade with the design of a serpent (in gold) on it, the other Katana has a Blood Red blade with a Phoenix design (pitch black) on it.

Both Katanas has a magical enchantment on it, The green one (Serpent Fang) produces a poison that either knocks out or kills the oponent all depending on what Asha wants. The Red one (Fire Talon) can create a fire that can be manipulated by thought alone and can be used both as offense and defense. It can even be used as a torch. The flame is so hot that it can melt through dragon scales (not the ones of a Red Dragon though)

Magic: Asha comands the elements of Fire and Earth but is not a master spellcaster, he is more of a physical fighter.

Meele combat: Asha is a master with his katanas and uses them (and their special powers) to great effect in battle. He has more Power than speed but does not lack in any of them. his defense is below average (he dodges more than he gets hit).

Personality: The prankster of the group Asha never passes up the opourtunity to prank someone and he loves to joke in the middle of a battle driving both allies and enemies alike mad. He is also very caring and understands when people are not in the mood for his more "cruel" jests. It is not easy to anger Asha but when he gets mad nothing can stand in his way.

"Phew" that was exshausting I hope you make good use of him and of course you can change anything you want about him;=)... Actualy I think his clothing needs a change, I never was any good with stuff like that. Just keep the color scheeme k?

I would wish you good luck with the sequel but with writing skils like yours I doubt that luck is anything you need;=)

And so ends one of my favourite stories. *nods* I know I've said it a lot, but it really is an excellent story. Like all, there are a few little problems, but the emotion you put into the story makes it all very worthwhile.

I don't particularly know what there is to say. I've said it all many times before in previous reviews and to you in person, but this really is a good story. Sometimes a little cliche, sure, but still very well done in all respects. You've improved a lot since the very beginning and finished off on a very good note, and I eagerly await anything more that you ever write.

So yeah. Enough shameless praise from me, since you get more than enough already. =P Well, maybe not quite... so it's still a very good story! And don't ever doubt it! You're a good writer, and while you may not be the best in the world, you're still my favourite. So keep it up. ^_^

-Jake Delfeir

i know it'll take me another decade to finish reading but there is something intruiging about this story...

keep it up...good work

I must say, in this chapter the anime and Japanese RPG influences are out in spades.

I found myself thinking "oh, of course" when you described Raph, Camus, and Cecille. For me, hair color is a matter of realism. Yes, it is in the anime style for boys to have long blue ponytails and for those with a regular hair color to have it be spikey, but I have never seen it in any other medium.

Also, I noticed a number of things that struck me as rather odd. One, Raph wears jeans. And uses swords. To me, this is very odd, because I think of jeans as modern, not medieval. Try finding an alternate material if the technology for jeans is not available in the story world.

Also, just some questions that I have that might be answered later in the story.

First, why do the characters have to say the name of the skill to use it? In many ways, actually saying the skill that you are about to use would get you killed against a skilled opponent. Also, you should never have to use more than one exclamation point, even if the Japanese RPGs do it. On the topic of fighting and skills, how can these nonmagical attacks have what I would consider magical effects? What is the definition of magic and how is it different from what Raph and Camus do?

Second, why do all monsters die in a puff of green smoke? What makes monsters different from, say, rabbits? Or bears, maybe? They certainly seem more aggressive, but why are they that way? You may have a justification later in the story, but I think that a young boy like Raph would be curious enough about the monsters to ask the same questions, but I don't know.

Lastly, about the geography, why would Yurhosha be founded in the first place if it was so hard to get to? Normally mountains are defined by high points in the landscape, so why would travelers need to climb Dawnstone? When crossing a mountain range, unless they are mountain climbers, travelers usually look for mountain passes, instead of going up the mountains themselves. This problem could be resolved witha simple name change. Dawnstone Mountain becomes Dawnstone Pass.

On the writing, there where some things that could be left out entirely. In the first sentence, "Rapheon sat up... from the dream," the last three words can be omitted. Later on, in the third paragraph, there is a sentence "He knew the she was trying... be a real drag." It contains the phrase "...late mother who died when..." The late could be left out, as it adds no information to the sentence.

In the first fight scene, there is a line "...jumped over it in the form of a somersault when he was only inches away from it." First, you can replace "jumping over it in the form of a somersault," with "flipped over it." also, the last two words "from it" seem redundant to me, and can be removed to improve the flow of the sentence.

In the Zygran/Jruceques interlude, try expanding on "death-filled surroundings." Is the land filled with piles of bodies? Or undead? Or is it just cracked ground with wilting vegetation?

In the folling passage, Raph sees the wolf and the body, you can leave out "until he remembered the dream he had this morning." In my opinion is hightens the suspence, even just a little bit. In fact, I think that the writing could be better if you left out any such references beyond the beginning of the chapter.

In the second battle, I find it hard to believe that the demon managed to get within one foot of someone, namely Cecille, but did not kill them. If it has claws that can raze a mansion, it should have the reach to kill someone lying a foot away. Also, you use more than one exclamation point again, and this time for something other than a skill. "RAPH!" only needs caps and a single ! to make the point. Same thing goes for the later instances of exclamation poin abuse.

One phrase that you might want to revise is "dark void-like light." To me this is a contradiction.

Another thing that I noticed is you never describe Garlen.

Anyway, the story is interesting so far, I how to review more chapter in the future.

Wow! Ièm really glad I discovered this tory. It's awesome! I'm off to read more now.

That was disturbing... honestly making them dance... im guessing until they die, that seems more evil and sinister than just outright killing them

There are a few things that a noticed could improve your writing.

The first thing that I noticed here and in other chapters, is that you sometimes state things that can just as easily be inferred. One example is the first paragraph. You say "...halls of the castle, which was dark and gloomy, unlike most castles."Instead of telling the reader that the castle was dark and gloomy, try to show the reader that is was dark and gloomy. One alternative might read like this:

"The menacing laughter echoed through the obsidian halls. Kryden staggered to his feet, gazing helplessly at the broken bodies of his friends."

This version is by no means perfect, but it does away with phrases like "...staggering because of his wounds." Readers are smart, so don't be afraid to reveal certain details as the action progresses. Another instance of over explanation is "Kryden narrowed his eyes, for it was hard to see in the dark." Instead of having his narrow his eyes, try having him "peer into the gloom," or maybe "search the darkness," or something similar.

The dialogue in this chapter could still use a little work. To me, it is not natural for a wounded man telling the demon that killed his friends that he doesn't have a certain "right." It just sounds absurd, like a tree not having the right to bear fruit.The line "I am in the throne room, just ahead of where you are," sounds a little contrived to me. So far, Druegen seems to be mocking Kryden, so you could extend that here with something like "You don't know? Well you'll just have to find me."

Well that's all for now. The most important tip that I can give (and have trouble following myself) is keep writing.

(Hides large rotten Tuna Fish behind my back) hehehe so you "killed" him alright (looks amused) heh it is scenarios like these that truly defines a great story.

I have my theories on what's gonna happen but I will wait and see in the next chapter before I "do" something (moves the hiden tuna) hehehe

Oh btw would you be interested in a character of my creation to use in your sequel?? If you want it just tell me and I will give him/her to you;) I realy hope you accept this offer;)

You did (as usual) a wonderful job with he chapter and I hope you uppdate soon.

When you say that this story ain't at the same level as FF an the others...WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL?

This chapter was great no doubt about it! and I hope you will do a Sequel to;)

Hi Blue-chan! I apologize for the horribly late review, but I'll cut to the chase.

Oh my, Rapheon has been through quite a lot, hasn't he? I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be the strongest character by the end of the story.

Yurhosha? Wow, it's about time Camus got the share of spotlight, again. ^_^ Cool Camus Copier. XD

Fast forward to the last night of their training, and yay! More character and relationship development! Possibly some that could carry over to the next book. Hm, apple pies. . .and banana cookies! ^O^

The transition between Yurhosha and Crystal Castle was a bit hilarious, and of course, it's like the bad guy to give the good guys a time limit to save the world. What good action-packed story wouldn't have? And I like how you added some complications so that the good guys can't just make the time limit go away. ^_^

Lloyd's followers - what will become of them? *gets suspenders* It's hard to tell if you're planning something about them, but oh well, it's all good plotting. And yay! Flakoner's paired up with Lloyd (and I mean it not romantically! >_

I didn't realize you updated until now!*mumbles* You made me wait that long for another chapter? OH well, it was an awesome chapter, as always! Update real soon, and by soon, I don't mean in another 3 months! Love your fic, and i sure can't wait for the next chapter^^

I am FAR too lazy to login! And I got a comment! Squee! *feels special*

Anyways, I have FINALLY finished gnawing through your story, and it's not great. It's... WONDERFUL! Amazing work, Blue-chan... seriously. I don't joke around about great work!

Of all the charries, I like Raphaeon. Mainly because he sounds smexeh and he's bishounen and has blue the hair! Yahoo! *glomps Raph plushie*

Haved the goodest day of you're life (XD)-I.S.S., who is currently out of a writing mood