This is ironically true, but hilariously funny. Especially since I'm one of the crazy ones who does exactly the opposite of all these rules. Maybe I should take a break from and go back to writing original stories.
:D
Kudos!

"If your a guy, imagine having an ultra-cool name like Spike X Valentine (The ‘X’ stands for extreme)."

The bit at the end made me laugh out loud. yep. el oh el.

second favorite line:

"Imagine having a mysterious and cool sounding name like Emeralda, Zarmara or Mary-sue."

too good. all in all... you were very successful. and hilarious.

I think this was hilarious

lol. Excellent essay : )
*lime-girl*

OMG! I so totally get it now! I've been doing everything wrong! I mean, none of my characters have cool martial arts powers at all, let alone 24!
Very witty and funny. I'd like to see you write more satire.

lol, it's funny because it's the truth!

Sound-alikes? Me? Fall for them? *nervous laugh* Ha ha ha, of course I don't!
Loved this, and it's too true! Especially since FP.net seperated from FF.net... I think a lot of the good writers (myself /not/ included - I don't suffer from delusion) have migrated over here and left only the coffee swilling pre-teens.

I usally don't read essays, but this was funny! I'm not really good at proofreading, I admit! And yeah, I like coffee, so what about it! :D I liked this coz most of this stuff is so true... !


Pali-chan

I love your parodies, they're really funny.
I hate it if I spell something wrong, and my latest story is being difficult, put bluntly. To show a change of scene or switching to other characters, I put a row of 'x-x-x-x-x'
Only in the latest chapter, the 'x-x-x-x-x-x' have decided to become one with the sentence after it. To top that off, I can't change it, and it keeps coming out as one.
Grr Argh.

Damn that was funny.

Yeah, geez, it's just so annoying when people post crap up and expect you to review (much less read). Also, some don't even have the gumption to at least correct some awful spelling errors even when it jumps them in the face.

Oh, about the caffeine thing? I never write without coffee. In fact, I can't even breathe without coffee. Sadly, caffeine has long lost its wonderful effects on my system and it has dwindled down to a water substitute... So I guess it doesn't affect my writing. But I protest the caffeine bashing! (hehe)

That was funny!
Here's my favorite part:

If you’re a girl

Imagine how it would feel to be sexy, confident and intelligent.

Imagine dieing in a way so tragic that everyone is really upset, and admits that they were actually in love with you, but never actually had the courage, making them ultimately more mournful.

Imagine having multi-coloured hair.

Imagining your fav characters from any anime/TV show/computer game/etc falling in love with you.

Imagine having a mysterious and cool sounding name like Emeralda, Zarmara or Mary-sue.

LOL! Good work! Right (Get it, write! Ha ha ha ha ha etc.) another chapter to it!

Loganberry, who has read and appreciatively reviewed several of my works, might be interested to learn that whilst writing the more... explosive scenes I OOD on coffees with two sugars. I just don't make a big fuss about it.
I'm going to have a go at something similar to this myself; watch this category!

lol, too true, this is what most people think when they start writing!

Most people, when they start writing, don't have a proof/beta reader, as they find them through places like fpc or ffn.

I hate it when people do Mary-Sue/Marty-Stu characters intentionally, it gets so annoying!

Sound-alikes: my pet peeves. If I have ebough time on any review, I nit-pick like crazy over them!

Inserting script writing: I, myself, have only done this once, and even then it was an AU version of a story, but I hate it when people just copy the whole episode and post it up on ffn anyway, and then they complain when it's taken down!

Caffeine: I never write when I'm on a caffeine/sugar high, I just can't concentrate. I hate the people who say 'this was created during a sugar high, please review'

Oh, yeah, the other thing which annoys me: people saying 'please review' in the summaries! It just shows that you're desparate!

OK, I'm done ranting! :-D

Regarding point 1, anyone who starts writing in the style of "Finnegan's Wake" is going to be pretty incomprehensible anyway, so why worry about spelling? =;) And at least you didn't mention bloody "sugar highs" - that phrase annoys me no end, for much the same reasons as the caffeine ones.

Good advice.
You noticed caffiene helps as well, then? It's especially good for action sequences, and watching violent films before you start writing sometimes helps. OOCs (Own Original Characters) don't HAVE to be ultra-cool, though. One of mine is a closet Airwolf fan!