Ah! A great beginning! Please update soon I wanna see what happens!

Your beginning really pulled me into your story and it seems that you've really poslished this well. However, it did not occur to me right away or it wasn't vivid enough - What gender is our hero? You may have it in there somewhere but it didn't strike me enough. I hope to read more of it!

Very nice start; instead of bothering with a long and complicated introduction you launch straight into the story and explain things to the reader as you go along, which is great - it helps keep your audience interested. It's also nice how you've chosen to do this through first person, that we see the events unfold through the main character's eyes, and are able to see their opinion of the things happening to and around them. Your description is good, your sentences flow nicely, and your spelling and grammar are wonderful. All in all, this is a very refreshing story from someone who is apparently an experienced writer, and I will have to look for more soon.

I like the way you introduce the plot at hand and your description is way better than I could ever do. Keep up the good job, I'm very interested

Oh man! PLEZE rite more! It's really good so far!

You put the story in a very good point of view, and the detail is sufficient enuf to satisfy the reader, but not too much, as to make the story too complicated and "detailed". I like your style of writing! You rite very well, because I think your sentences flow nicely together, and they connect. Not like some sentences, where it's just like they're stating facts. I REALLY like your story! Plz continue!

This is a intressing story, I like the way you write it, and the idea of the plot is really cool. Please update, and if you can please read one of my stories. Update soon , promise me.
-Destin Scar