Reviews for Demon Soul - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Demon Soul

areotwilight 2003-09-19 ch 6,	abuseomg, my little dancing fairy, when the hell did u make all these updates?!?!? U FORESHADOWED! OMG i love that techniqe.. hehe, I USED IT IN DRAGONSEED, like something from the very 1st chapter is gonna save jake's ** at the very end.. but who knows if i'll ever get that far, lol! this was really good, and REALLY SUSPENSEFUL and i dont want my sexy glace to die... (T_T) YOU BETTER NOT KILL HIM, TRAVIS... or else.. IM COMIN' OVER THERE! lol, TYPE CHAPPY 7! (^_^)
N1nj4-J3d1 2003-08-24 ch 5,	abuseI thought that you had a great intro, good development, and a nicer hint at backstory. nevertheless, you also did alot of telling. thats bad. what would really help is it you showed, not told. for instance, you said a house was burning near the gate. what kind of house? did we know about it before, or did you just invent it to kill off the father? what is your charictors passion? what really makes him tick? we know that he likes the forest and swimming in the lake, but what is the lake like? does it have clear, murkey, scintlating, of other types of water? what kind of bank is there? is there alot of mud, or is it a rock bank? also, in the forest, what kind of trees were there? for all i know, your story takes place in a tongan tropical rain forest. or in a conniforous northern expanse. at the ranch, what is the grass like? is it mowed? or going to seed? or is it still growing? what do the charictors think of their surroundings? also, he said he had lived in a village. but yet it was big enough to have a wall and gates, as well as alot of houses, and large enough to be a target. so, is it a small village, a large village, a small city, or otherwise? the setting is good, but needs to be described more vividly. once again show, dont tell. i wouldnt recomend just outright saying things about the surroundings, rather, sort of slip it in. you know, like rather then saying - she sat in the grass and stared into space-, say - as she bent into a sitting position amidst the auburn grass, she gazed over the rolling hills to the horizon, past the peaking trees of the forest, to where there is no distinction between grass and sky. im not saying to use that, its just an example. enough for the setting. on the the charictors. i know my spelling is bad. o well. put up with it. anyway... it was pretty clear what you wanted in your charictors, but you failed to clearly show (not tell) me what really makes them go, and what they really are like--physically and mentally. Im a social reject myself, so I could sort of see into glace's life myself, but it was like looking through a fog, where only pinpoints or light really show through. I like how you put his backstory in indirect dream form, though. for instance, glace has a sword. well, how did he come by one? thery arent exacctly cheap, and glace isnt exactly rich. there were just some holes that needed explaining. why did everyone hate him so much, anyway? basically, it just needed some clarification, more detail, and needed your emotions in it. the_impish_elf
areotwilight 2003-08-24 ch 5,	abuse(O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) ::stares at computer screen with mouth open:: ::voice quivers:: i cannot think... of anything to say... to really describe... HOW MUCH I ** LOVE THIS CHAPTER OMFG OMFG IT IS SO AWESOME! omg i love how mysterious it is with the crimson-lipped girl and how Glace is suddenly with her, and then back to reality.. i love the part where Glace wakes up! And Clover says "You're one weird guy. You know that?" AND GLACE GOES "MMhm"! i seriously dunno why, but i think that's really... sweet? idn, maybe i can just like, really visualize it... BUT YES ANYWAY! AND THAT WAS SO AWESOME!! how they were gonna kiss!! BUT THEN THE STUPID DEMON POPPED UP AND RUINED IT!! that part was SO WELL WRITTEN IT WAS LIKE, PROFESSIONAL, YOU REALLY OUTDID YOURSELF ON THIS ONE! XD I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, ITS GONNA BE SO KICK YAY! I LOVE YOU GLACE! GRR CLIFF HANGER; YOU BETTER TYPE THE REST OF THIS REALLY SOON! i'm camping out in front of fp.com waiting for it!! (^_^) great job my little dancing fairy, tee hee!!
areotwilight 2003-08-17 ch 4,	abuseOMG I LOVE YOU GLACE, YOU ARE SO HOTT-SOUNDING! WILL YOU MARRY ME?!?!!? OH GLACE GLACE GLACE I LOVE YOUR NAME OMFG PLEASE GLACE BE MINE FOREVER AND I CAN BE YOURS AND WE CAN MAKE HOTT PASSIONATE MONKEY LOVE! I LOVE YOU! ... ::looks around nervously::... I LOVE YOUR STORY DUDE OMFG GLACE IS SO HOTT and UR RITE FF.NET SUCKS BALLS COZ THEY DELETED UR TRUNKS AND PAN FIC EVEN THO IT WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY WELL WRITTEN!! GODDAMNIT!! but yeah, you DID DO a GOOD JOB writing this chapter! it was really suspenseful and I LIKE CLOVER BUT DUDE SHE BETTER NOT BE GETTIN MY MAN GLACE! OR ELSE! I WILL HAVE TO SUMMON MY ORGASMIC POWERS ON YOU WITH THE ORANGE **! ::laughs insanely:: mwahahha! its so sexy how GLACE... has a sword... hehe hoho! mwahaha, i can't wait to read number five!! i really really hope that GLACE doesnt get hurt... EVEN THO I ALREADY KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN U SICK BASTERD! DOING THAT TO MY GLACE! GR GROOWLL SNNARRL SNNARL ARF ARF ::rabid dog noises:: ::foaming at mouth:: HOSE ME DOWN TRAVIS LMFAO okay ANYWAY! GREAT JOB I LOVED IT AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR 5! TYPE TYPE TYPE!
Megan 2003-06-30 ch 1, anon.	abusewow this is greatone thing how is it he is still alive if something sharp hits him hard in the back of the head? well there i finaly reviewed all of your things now you dont have to bug me lol well maybe you should call me sometime instead of me calling you. ok ttyl bye
Valerie 2003-06-27 ch 1, anon.	abuseHey Travis, this one is really good too. And ur intro isnt bad. I like it!! :)
Lady of the Wolf 2003-06-23 ch 1,	abuseThe story line is very good and I can't wait for the next chapter. The only problem is you said the characters name so many times that it became very repetative, but please do write more.
Larus 2003-06-23 ch 1, anon.	abuseheh...this was pretty cool.

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