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| BloodBrother 2003-08-15 ch 1,  | abuseAngsty, but for the subject of the poem, entirely acceptable. Descriptions were decent, wonderful simile with the bowling ball line, loved it. "leaving my ice cream pail behind," that's nice. The only line I kind of scoffed at was the "into the icy river of dreams" sounds like you were desperate for words with that one. But a very solid ending, very powerful. "twisted thoughts plummet home in a single tortured gasp" three thumbs up for that one! |
| Steppenwoelfin 2003-07-26 ch 1, | abuseSuperb-I especially loved the last stanza. Dreams-good or bad ones-are really good material for one's writing. You've got a gift. And you're using it very well. Cheers! Weirdology. |
| cosmo-queen 2003-07-15 ch 1, | abuseThis was definitely creepy and sounds like a pretty horrible dream to have. I know there are a couple of strange and scary dreams I had as a child that I still remember today. Good work, keep writing :) *cosmo-queen* |
| AVIGON 2003-07-13 ch 1, | abuseI never had any nightmares when I was little (come to think of it, I still don't have nightmares), so I'm having a bit difficulty trying to imagine just how creepy this must've been to you, but at least I'm trying. Nice poem BTW; nice flow and all. |
| Lidless Eye 2003-07-08 ch 1, | abuseAwesome descriptions, it really makes you feel the meaning of the poem. |
| Needa S 2003-07-05 ch 1, | abuseCreepy. But a wonderful job putting it together just the same.. |
| glitterjewele 2003-07-01 ch 1, | abusei'm ba-a-a-a-ack ;P and such a lovely welcome home this is! i absolutely LOVE IT. so incredibly descriptive in SO many wonderful ways . . . and very well-written as well! wonderful idea to use a childhood nightmare as inspiration ('tis quite freaky that your sister had the same dream, btw . . .). wow, okay *wonders how in hell to pick favorite lines out of such a masterpiece* here goes then: "sandpaper tricycle," "sobs echo off the metal sky," "flowers of my steel comforter" (something about the association between steel and comfort is entrancing me . . .), "time is of the negative" (great twist on the fabled cliche), and "a single tortured gasp." really, this is honestly amazing. a true masterpiece. it made me slap myself and marvel at why i haven't put you on my favorites list yet . . . oh! and by the way, congrats on conquering finals! ! ! (i've just been to read your anti-final poem for the umpteenth time [i think i read it every time i visit your profile, actually . . .] and it STILL makes me laugh ~ a vonderful spirit-raiser, darlink!) someone once told me that South Africa is a really cool place to study abroad, but that's about all i can do fer ya on the foreign country topic. :P again, FANTASTIC piece! lots of kudos to you chica! |
| teresa7 2003-06-27 ch 1, | abusegreat, awesome, fantastic! ~teresa~ |
| obsidian katana 2003-06-25 ch 1, | abusegreat poem! dark and with so much depth. i like this a lot. good job! keep on writing! |
| The Black Rider 2003-06-25 ch 1, | abuseA beautiful poem...that's all I can think of to say. It took the words from my mouth, I guess. ^_^ |
| CancerianQueen 2003-06-24 ch 1, | abuseThis is GREAT! Keep writing, ~Vnomi~ |
| CoolBeans18s 2003-06-24 ch 1, | abuseWhat a weird dream! Creepy... ~ CoolBeans18s |
| Keep it 100 2003-06-23 ch 1, | abuseCreepy stuff. ~Heart of the Sword |