maybe it's because it's your first chapter or something but let me tell you that the opening is pretty blunt. the taste of the way you write that is. comparing to food (since i just can't stop eating them) it needs some seasoning or salt or something to add more life in to it. it feels like a 2D drawing that i know it can be improved amazingly if you add just a bit color to it. so what a shame. consider rewriting maybe?

Wow! This is such a great story! I can't believe that I haven't read this yet..I mean I have seen it a couple of times over this past week, but haven't had any time to read it, so i am so happy I finally did. You must update soon, because I am dying to see what happens next!

Wow! That was fantastic! I am definatly going to read more! Oh and before I forget, thank you for the advice. I appreciate that so much. By the way, I do read and alot. Mostly stories on fanfiction.net and fictionpress.net.And I think about creating new stories from watching anything ar music. I'm most likely going to write a new story about people who live in shadows and reflection. It's going to be about magic and mischive. And again, thank you for the advice, I really apreciate it.Aku-Naraku

Amazing - a good author on fp.com! I sort of just clicked on it and "good writing" jumped out at me. This is a rare find.

Okay, I liked your first chapter plot-wise in that it kept my attention nicely. The characters seem promising; I'll be able to give a more thorough critique when I read more.

I hope you can R/R my story sometime, and I'll be back soon to read more.

XDD brother-in-law.
One minor misspell- 'they're my brother'. Not a big deal though, and that's all I have to say.
I love this story! Keep up the great work!
~Pont

I'm finally here to review so stop sulking. LOL.
Ok, this is still so good. Paragraphs are supposed to be longer, but I think it's ok. Easier to read i think.
Why is Alex still hiding Clay?
(I kinda forgot the names except for tyrell and mercedes. It all comes back to me when I read it again).

finally, another chapter! Marc really needs to learn how to read sometime. and poor Clay, being slung around in a bag this whole time. i'm surprised he hasn't made too much noise on this trip.
well, they finally found Mercedes. they might as well be her brothers. are they just gonna leave? is that how Mercedes & Tyrell are gonna get out of the whole marriage thing?
oh, well. u gotta write more soon or i'll come to your house &...do something

Yay for another chapter!!
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-cracks up- She's going to pass them off as her brothers?? -dies- Okay! It could work ...
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I completely forgot why Clay is in Marc's knapsack. I'll have to go back and re-read a few things. Been a while since I've read.
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Awesome job! Can't wait for the next update!!
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Regina O.B.

Aw dude! Cedes and Alex?? They like each other, don't they!?! Alex was worrying about Cedes, and she's worried about Alex... it's obvious! Yea sure, I thought maybe Cedes and Tyrell, but now THIS happened! Aw, Cedes and Alex would make such a cute couple.*sigh* Just as long as Marc is mine! *grin*
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Okay Okay, you have not updated in a mucho long time. I am going to give you... a week or two at the most and then I will start sending you -emails, harrassing you to update! OKay? :)
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Regina O.B.

*still doesn't understand why Marc won't tell Alex what's going on* Oh well. Groovy chapter as usual. I'm back to finish off the last two chapters!
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Regina O.B.

Hahaha! OMG! They're married? Well, so-said. Smart thinking Cedes!! Heck, I wouldn't have even thought of that! Aw, how cute. He likes her, doesn't he? Of course he does! What's not to like! :D
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What does he mean "if" Alex catches up with them. Of course he will! Him AND Marc( my love *sigh*) Haha, wow... has anyone else claimed Marc or is it just me? I'm special, aren't I? And I'm not talking Special-Ed!
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Ahh! New episode of Charmed is coming on. I'll try finishing the story tomorrow after school!
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Regina O.B.

Haha, are you serious? Peek-a-boo! *clutches stomach laughing* Why doesn't Marc want to tell Alex about Clay? {BTW, YAY!! They found each other! *happy dance*} Hmm... oh well. I think it's humorous. Hehe. Then again... I am easily amused. Teehee
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Wowzers.. got to love the chocolate! I say Wow a lot in my reviews... don't I? Oh well!!
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Regina O.B.

0_0 WTH?!?!?! Tinker tell them! Save yourself, wife and children! *cries* Don't hurt him!!
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You've got evil characters in your story. Not as evil as some that I've read about before, but they're still evil, nonetheless. Yay evilness!!
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Regina O.B.

O, Tyrell and Mercedes?? -gives it some thought- If you REALLY want that. LOL. Just don't put her with Alex or Marc! Mine! *huggles* :)
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Hopefully Marc and Clay won't get into trouble... hopefully...
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Regina O.B.

*eyes wet Marc* Grr... well, He-llo. ;) Hehe, sorry, just trying to give more action to the chapter! Hehe.
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On to the next chapter!
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Regina O.B.