Please write more. You got me hooked on this very unique story. I don't see any of the grammer errors you mentioned, but I do know what you mean by a story taking longer than you intend. I have the same problem when I write. I can't wait to read about Kyoshi's experiences as a waitress and the people he will meet. I really like these characters.

This is a beautiful story. Although slow in pace, it doesn't feel too slow. It's heartwarming, yet unique. And although the subject matter might make a few squirm, it's really quite well done so as not to be uncomfortable. Although done in the style of Manga, without the pictures I'm used to, it feels more real, less like a cartoon, and I think that's the point. I have really enjoyed reading this so far, and I hope you continue!

A hit with the boys?! @_@ Just what kind of waitress uniform is THAT gonna be?! This is fun! Keep going, okay?! I'll be waiting...!

Whoa! =] Excellent! Poor Kyo!! WaiTRESS, huh? Can't wait to see what happens...! CONTINUE! =D