Exquiste detail. I love this so far, and for someone of your age you have an astonishing amount of talent! I'll be reading more soon!

HAHA I love the ending! Nice touch right there. Wow, this is really good. I love your word choice and the analogies. Interesting way of describing the situation in chappie 3. Man... I kinda feel sorry for the guy. Can't wait for the next chappie, update soon!

Dark, but interesting. Nicely written.
Livi

I think it's great. I would really like to read the rest. Please do elaborate.

Whatever an event horizon is, it sounds interesting. I hope to find out.

Is that all? It's not done. It doesn't have a sense of done-ness. There should be more. You can see through his eyes...that's creepy.

Aww... I'm tempted to wish romance in, but I will try to keep an open mind, knowing how most things usually just decide themselves. As the other reviewers have pointed out, you pulled some wonderful metaphors in this chapter, and having Etta's take on things kind of brings a lighter aspect of drama to this story. Good move there. ^_^ Very cool, please continue!

LOL "Freak" is right. He's so subliminally ...subliminal. It's quite likely he'll kill someone if he doesn't find some sort of relief... ^_^ perhaps that anticipation is what makes reading this truly entertaining... (Wow. That's a sick thought, hmm?) Nice job, moving on to 3 now...

Nicely done so far. You have a nice handle on imagery and that indeed is your strength. I liked the description "The syllables of her name hung like bullets suspended in the dead air, as if they had been coughed gutterally from the machine gun of her lips". Original and quite nice. Ironically just got finished watching the movie 'Insomnia' and the summary of this story caught my eye...and I'm glad it did. *grins*

You wrote that she "grabbed a mob." I can only assume you mean "mop." ;) I like this chapter a lot. Is Etta going to be a main character? (Or do you even know? Sometimes characters decide to be important parts of the plot of their own free will and everything.) I especially loved your description of his voice as rusted through... I can definitely imagine what he sounds like very clearly.

THis is really great. Not only are your descriptions absolutely amazing (kind of morbid, too ;), but the whole idea. I mean, you can see whatever is behind him through his eyes? That's very original and just, well, cool.

Now, in the real world, did you know that someone is clinically insane after not sleeping for three days? That's when you have really weird dream-image hallucinations because you have to dream sometime to be able to function. (People who say they don't dream at night are lying or have bad memories.)

Wow he's almost pathetic. How depressing he is, what is his name? Would he even have one?
Keep up this story.

Quite interesting, and very well done.

I'm feeling this man's desperation.

Can't wait to read more.

This is pretty interesting so far. You do come up with some funky ideas! :-) Supposedly, you would go mad if you didn't go into REM sleep. It will be interesting to see how you develop this.

WOW... this awesome... I love the beggining of the first chapter.. actually i like all the description in this story... this is awesome.. good job