|Reviews for Through The Words Of Gossip|
| Lisa0211 7/12/03 . chapter 3
odd proposal. but hey, whatever makes it work right? this sounds like it'll be really intriguing and really kewl. your dialogue was actually pretty kewl. Try not to use "being" so much. like "being nervous". it makes for a really awkward sentence. I'm guilty of that mistake too. don't worry. but your writing was overall very good. keep up the good work. update soon. Lisa
| DracoNW 7/11/03 . chapter 2
I like it so far.
Can't wait to see what's going to happen next.
As for advice, my brains fried from work so I don't have any for you.
| Courting Insanity 7/11/03 . chapter 2
Okay, wow.. I just read the other reviews and.. interesting. Although I hate flames and I hate for anyone else to get them, one or two comments were about correct. But no one is perfect and pointing it out harshly isn't nice either.
I personally, like the story. I don't give a flying cow who it's written by or whatever. I write from a guy's point of view sometimes and I'm a girl, there's no crime in that and it isn't when it's the other way around.
Not all girls are the same and it's sad for me to admit, but some girls are low and you know what, pointing that out in a story isn't all that horrible. It might be stereotyping, but hey, doesn't everyone do that?
So for your story, YOUR STORY, do as you please. There's room for improvement, like getting a beta to proof read the chapters so things that the others point out could be worked on and so forth.
I hope for more depth in the characters, much more insight on the main players in the story so the readers could comprehend them much better.
Okay, I shall shut up now and take my bum somewhere else since it appears I have no idea what I was talking about.
Next chapter soon!
| vonlan 7/10/03 . chapter 2
Hey, thats a very good story. I'm looking forward to reading more. Yep. I'd suggest you do a little grammar checking. Otherwise, the story is great. :)
P.S.- When you have the time I'd appreciate it if you reviewed me. :)
| crazygurlhyper13 7/8/03 . chapter 1
Okay. One your sister is probably not a typical female but its not my place to pass judgement on her, just you. And Two I don't take shitty betas so I'll pass, even though I did make that wonderful suggestion. Lets just end all conversing between the two of us. And let each side believe that they were right.
| crazygurlhyper13 7/8/03 . chapter 1
Damn I can't sign in, oh well. Now, we have a few things to dicuss if you don't mind terribly. My writing style is EXTREMELY different from yours for two reasons,1. I grew up in many different places and so I mix different personailties. And 2 I'm a girl! Also my writing style requires me to slowly reveal the information. So how about this. A solid, respectable truce backed up by my offer to beta your story and my hope that you'll beta mine. This way you can help with the shitty run ons I seem to have so often and I can help to get you away from your female stereotypes. So, what do you say? No more flames, just solid respectable it's horrible change it please? From I know when to call a truce, do you?
| Saotome Jin 7/8/03 . chapter 1
Even though I'm not one for the " High-school romance " category, I like this so far. Continue.
| Courting Insanity 7/7/03 . chapter 1
Good start. Not much to say really. I can't find anything wrong and it seems like an interesting story. I'll review next time you update!
| crazygurlhyper13 7/7/03 . chapter 1
OMG! (FOR FURTHER REFRENCE THIS WILL NOT BE A GUSHING REVIEW, GET OVER IT) I can't beleive you! Wat r u? So sort of utopia droid? (Look it up darling) Don't even talk about character development! From the second paragraph you've created a character whose looks are flawless, and how is she going to improve, how are you going to round her out if she begins perfect? Answer me that baby doll(yes, you read it right, I called you babydoll, get over it) You seem to have absolutley NO insight into what a females mind is like now-a-days. The majority of us spend almost no time in front of the mirror unlike the stereotypical women before us. If a boy really wants to get to know us, hee’ll get to know us, but if he wants sex, we’ll know it, we’re not clueless you know. Here’s a quote I found disgusting “which I found positively adorable” UGH! What kind of concieted, airheaded bozo uses the words positiely and adorable in the same sentence about a GUY! Answer me that sugar. And I suppose that your male character is a (stretched) version of you, made to accent your best features and add ones that don’t exist? Because if it is I can tell you this, you better not ever meet any of your online dates, because they’ll be dum as hell is hot and boring as it to. But then again you two should have something in common, you both can’t write worth shit! What do you do, get your insight from music cause if you are darling I can tell you right now you’re barking up the wrong damned tree. Also “A slight coat of lip-gloss WENT over my lips” The laws of english postively FORBID this I hope you know. Went is to be used with over only when the object is being moved by a human I.E. a plane whicnh would go over or through the cloud and a sentence like that would be pointless, “The plane went over the cloud.” Yes of course deary it went OVER or THROUGH the cloud and can’t do anything else, therefore it would pointless. So saying “A slight coat of lip gloss WENT OVER my lips.” is like saying “The plane WENT OVER the cloud.” Or “The plane went over Kansas City.” It’s pointless and only adds to the stupidity of your moronic story. Words like this are only to be used when the subject can be replaced with bridge or cloud, without sounding idiotic. Now tell me this hun, does A slight coat of lip-gloss went over my bridge sound a bit stupid? Because if it doesn’t then you have no right being on a publishing site. Thank you very much. Do not preach about which you can’t do yourself, therefore leave snowtiger13731 alone, or you’ll have to deal with mio again, and I won’t be so damned leanent. I have only just begun to fight. But I will let you ponder my words and corrections and return in a weeks time in hopes of finding this plotless, developementless story fixed. I hope it is. And a tip, right from third person therefore you won’t have to reply on typical shitty stereotypes babe. Now buh-byeThe Technical One
| snowtiger13731 7/7/03 . chapter 1
Okay. You asked me to read your story, and I feel like reviewing. Before I go on, I just want to say that this isn't a flame. Just a few things:
1. You're a guy. How can you possibly write a story from a girl's POV, thinking you know what she would be thinking? Just from the start, I don't think you know what a girl has on her mind.
2. I think you're doing a lot of telling, instead of showing. As the age-old phrase goes "show, don't tell". I think you should keep this in mind.
3. Something that really ticked me off: "A slight coat of lip-gloss went over my lips." First of all, if you were a girl, you wouldn't, under ANY circumstances, used the term "went" when talking about lip gloss. Lip gloss doesn't suddenly pick itself up and "go over" someone's lips somehow, unless you're suddenly giving lip gloss this strange quality, in which case you should probably make this fantasy.
4. You're going from past to present tense a lot. Well, more than you should be. For instance, one paragraph starts with "Entering the building, chaos has entered my life yet again." "Has entered" is present. It has something to do with participles, and I'm pretty sure it's the present participle, but I don't know because I'm. . . doing way too many things right now.
Yeah, so I stress the showing, not telling thing. Also, this plot almost seems predictable, just from the first chapter. You should put more mystery into the first chapter, something to hook readers. Well, thanx for your review, and. . . yeah, that's it.
| Otte-r 7/7/03 . chapter 1
This story is super interesting! I hope that you addmore to it...please?