Again, I think that your writing is great. In this one I really liked: "daggers of ice pierced my tired eyes, i fought back with the sword of my wisdom," In this one though, your language seems to get a bit dry, a little too explanatory, like when you started out, you just seemed to be stating things in too plain of a manner.

But heck, I don't care. I love this poem and I love your writing!

I'm so sorry that you broke up. And then had to go through such torment. This is a wonderful poem, so heart-felt and full of emotions...

~ CoolBeans18s

I don't know why... but this reminded me of a book I just finished reading. Only 2 lines but hey. I won't say what... 'cos it may offend you. But I absolutely LOVED the book! :D

Keep writing,
~Naomi

This is awesome work. Great, great job... hopefully things look brighter in the future.

i'm sorry you broke up with ryan and that his friends are making it hard for you. i'm glad you can feel free to express your feelings here. great job on this. heartfelt, full of emotions. good job! keep on writing!

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. This was awesome work. Great details and imagery. Always remember that we're always here if you need anything.


~Heart of the Sword

I'm very sorry you had to go through so much torment. I never understood why there have to be people like that around. Just know that we're always here and we all love you and your poetry. Remember that and they shall burn.

Great poem, even though you probably weren't in the happiest of moods when writing this. The wording was excellent, as was the imagery. All the best :)
*cosmo-queen*

THIS. IS. SO. AMAZING.

i definitely have to agree with blackVrose and say this truly ROCKS! it totally knocked me off my feet. what a way to visualize/materialize emotions! everything is so impossibly VIVID, it's almost shocking. the physicality of everything augments the feelings so perfectly that the merge into one vast and completely awesome mental state where anything's possible. so, so good. i would absolutely encourage you to experiment with freestyle writing again, it fits you like a glove. i'm rather angry at the creeps berating you on your online journal ~ it was your decision, after all. my mental image of them seems to fit your description of them as uncivilized, squalling hordes perfectly, as a matter of fact. :P wow okay, i have no idea how to pick favorite lines out of this masterpiece *deep breath* here goes: "the precious, squalling bundle hit the rocks/and now the hordes are awakened," "they ignored their wounds/and attacked mine," "the dominoes were exponential," "leave for the sunlit plains" (such a remarkable and beautiful contrast; completely succeeds in twisting the mood), and "whose hands are always black with ink" (i really really LOVED that description, lack of face but a clear vision of the hands ~ reminded me of escher, in a way :). and i don't believe i've mentioned yet that i love how it tells a story as it goes along (*sure go on and hit my biggest weakness to make this poem ten times more unbearably good than it already is why don't you*). this is without a doubt one of your best works of poetry ever and i ADORE it. also, it kinda made me feel warm n' fuzzy at the end, which is always a good thing. :P PHENOMENAL work here, chica. you're a poetic genius! and don't let the evil people get you down!

KUDOS!

this...to put it simply...ROCKS!

BlackV.Rose~~

Sad and lovely poem...You have a wonderful way of expressing your thoughts in the shape of images. Don't you let go. Hold on-your warriors are with you! *swings sword* Yay!
Greets, Weirdology (formerly Subrideo).